


Interrupted

by TheRedHeadedCaptain



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway/Voyager, Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, Episode: s02e26 Basics Part 1, Episode: s03e01 Basics Part 2, F/M, Rough Sex, Smut, Water Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:08:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedHeadedCaptain/pseuds/TheRedHeadedCaptain
Summary: This is my take on what would happen if Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay missed the call from Tuvok while they were on New Earth.  What could have happened with 30 more hours of ignorance?  What would the Voyager crew find when they went down to the planet?  What would happen to the Captain and Commander once they were back on the ship?
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 230
Kudos: 161





	1. What They Found

**Author's Note:**

> I'm reading and writing an excessive amount of smut right now because it has been extremely useful in managing my anxiety and insomnia. Thank you to everyone who has provided me with all sorts of wonderful JC reading material and for those of you kind enough to read my own.

“Lieutenant Tuvok to Captain Janeway. Please respond.”

Still no answer. For almost two days Tuvok had been trying to hail Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. The Doctor had a cure for the virus that had left the pair trapped on the planet below. 

“Ensign Kim, current status on the Captain and Commander’s life signs?”

“Sir, we are still registering two human life signs near the location of their camp. The increased activity in the ionosphere is preventing us from getting a good transporter lock, there seems to have been a significant increase in plasma storms since we were last in orbit. I believe I can transport through it to get a team to the surface, and with a set of pattern enhancers we would then be able to get a sufficient signal to retrieve all personnel.”

Tuvok sat in the Captain’s chair and weighed the risks. “Signs of Vidiian or other life forms? Any ships on long range sensors?”

“No activity on long range sensors and no additional humanoid life detected on the planet.”

Like all of Tuvok’s decisions he made this one on the basis of logic. 

“Mr. Paris and Mr. Ayala you will accompany me to the surface. Mr. Paris bring a medical kit in case they are in need of assistance. Mr. Ayala secure the transport equipment and phaser rifles. The Vidiians have shown the ability to mask their life signs from our sensors and I want to be prepared.”

Tuvok stood from the Captain’s chair. 

“And Level 4 biocontainment gear for all of us. We can not risk any one else on this ship getting infected.”

The three of them emerged on the planet below, at the coordinates they had deposited the Captain and Commander. A Starfleet temporary shelter was now erected at this location. Tuvok used his tricorder to scan their surroundings, aware that his helmet was diminishing his peripheral vision, he knew they needed to rely on their sensors to maximize situational awareness. 

“Hey Mike, what do you think this is?” asked Tom Paris.

The big former Maquis officer appraised the large, carved out tree in front of the shelter, the hole was so large an entire person could fit in there.

“Not a clue.”

“My readings indicate the Captain and Commander appear to be less than a kilometer northwest from this location. Let’s move out, tactical formation,” ordered Tuvok, interrupting their speculations.

“Aye, Sir.”

It was slow going due to their hazard suits and the additional gear they carried. They carefully moved across the sparsely forested area, keeping alert for any potential threats. Ten minutes into their trek they heard a scream. 

Tuvok made a hand movement to indicate they should pause. He adjusted his weapon to the ready and slowly led the away team down a well-concealed embankment to where the forest opened to reveal a small lake.

Another scream rang through the air, only this time it was clear that the noise was not one of fear. In the lake two naked figures were splashing and laughing. A man stood in waist deep water with a much smaller woman wrapped around him. They kissed passionately before the man lifted her up and tossed her backwards into the water, eliciting one of the screams they had heard before.

When the two figures parted, the away team could clearly see the distinct facial tattoo of Commander Chakotay. The only thing he wore was an exultant smile on his face, cool droplets ran down his muscular chest rejoining the water level at his hips, the surface of the lake barely concealing his stark nudity from view.

“Is that all you’ve got?” the woman teased splashing a stream of water in his direction. Chakotay pounced at the challenge and once more wrapped the woman up in his arms. The playful demeanor of this woman was impossible to reconcile with the crew’s image of their Captain. The sight of her milky white curves was beyond alluring. Her long wet hair only slightly masked the fullness of her breasts, her porcelain back angling into a small waist before expanding into her perfectly heart shaped ass. All her soft angles were in stark contrast to her sharp command presence.

“Holy Shit,” escaped Tom Paris’ mouth.

Mike simply chuckled in amusement, “Way to go boss.”

Tuvok quickly made an assessment of the situation and charted the most suitable course of action. “Gentleman, our presence here is inappropriate. We will proceed back to the shelter, set up the transport equipment, and we can finish their evacuation once they have returned.”

Tom couldn’t help but snicker. “I think they need to finish first.” The two people in the lake had moved on from foreplay and it was apparent they were now engaged in full blown carnal passions. The Captain was moaning, legs wrapped around the Commander as he used his strong hands to move her up and down his half submerged figure.

“Mr. Paris, it is time to leave. Now move quickly back to the camp.”

* * *

She stripped off her dress and waded into the lake, glancing over her shoulder, she gave him her best come hither stare. She removed her bra and panties and tossed them at his chest. He caught her undergarments as they hit him, a dumbfounded look on his face.

This woman would be the death of him. When Kathryn had first kissed him, only yesterday, he had not anticipated she would want to explore the physical side of their budding relationship at this breakneck pace. He had expected to woo and court her openly for a considerable period before she allowed him into her bed. Instead she had ripped his clothes off and wildly made love to him on the desk in their shelter. With Kathryn Janeway there was no half way, she did everything with her whole heart or she didn’t do it at all.

Since that first kiss and the explosive aftermath, they had become completely occupied with the exploration of each other’s bodies. They had spent the rest of the previous day and this morning discovering an endless bounty of physical delights. He had her in the shower, on the grass near her garden, in the bathtub he had made her, and in both their beds before they decided it was better to push them together. 

He was roused awake this morning by her mouth on his cock. His muscles screamed from the previous day's exertions, feats that would have tested a much younger man, still he would be damned if his body would fail him now. He responded to her advances and pleased her once more before breakfast. And as they ate afterwards, trying to replenish their strength, she suggested they take a swim at the nearby lake.

Now here they were, Chakotay staring in awe as her naked body dove into the shallow water. She surfaced and beckoned again for him to join her. He removed his clothing as quickly as possible and followed her into the clear, refreshing waters. The coolness surrounding him did nothing to dispel the heat pulsing from between his legs.

She splashed him as he approached and she retreated swimming to the deeper water. His feet could no longer touch the bottom and he began to tread after her. They traded assaulting streams of water before he bound her up in his arms. She wrapped her legs around him and began kissing him passionately, rejoicing in the feel of his tongue and mouth. She finally pried her lips from his and pressed her forehead to his own.

“Chakotay,” she murmured in her most seductive tone. 

“Down you go,” she yelled, taking him by surprise as she flung all her weight onto his shoulders and dunked him into the lake.

His head went under and he kicked rapidly back up to the surface. He emerged with a playful roar and chased her back into the shallows. Once more he picked her up, this time his feet firmly planted along the sandy bottom, and brought her in for a sensual embrace, tongues grappling and hands caressing. He slid both his strong hands down to her waist.

“Kathryn,” he huffed. 

“Payback time,” he said with a cheeky grin as he picked up her small frame and tossed her several feet backwards. A gleeful shriek escaped her mouth as she splashed down into the water. They went back and forth like this for some time, assailing and teasing, tossing and splashing, frolicking in the clear blue waters. 

Eventually her need for him became more urgent and she found herself wrapped around him again, this time done with the flirtatious games and ready to move on to more serious intentions. She reached her hand down to find his semi-erect cock. Several strokes of her hand and a nibble to his ear was all it took for him to become fully engorged. 

“Chakotay,” she moaned in anticipation. He palmed her breast with one hand as the other slide down her back to support her buttocks. 

She aligned her hips with his member, gently rubbing his tip against the warmth of her entrance. Chakotay searched her face for direction. In their short time together, he had already deciphered the two distinct types of lovemaking her expression could dictate. Sometimes she wanted to be worked and lavished into a heaping pool of desire and he needed to spend extensive time in lengthy foreplay before combining their pleasure. Other times her face showed impatience and a frantic need to be taken quickly and aggressively. 

In this moment, she indicated her need for the latter. He moved both hands to her waist and slammed her down. He penetrated her fully in one ardent motion, a large ripple of water emanated from their sharp union. Her channel stretched at his invasion and a gasp escaped her mouth. The lake had dissipated some of her natural lubrication, still she enjoyed the cool sensation of the water that entered along with his cock. 

He began to move, thrusting into her from below, while dragging her hips in counter motion from above. “Oh God yes,” she wailed, desperately clutching his shoulders and appreciating the new dimension being half submerged brought to her already heightened sensations. The water lapped around their pulsing bodies. The surface broke repeatedly against her clitoris, causing her legs to shiver. He bit and sucked at her neck as she tilted her head back in ecstasy. Every moment inside her was a revelation.

The little moans and cries that passed through her lips sent him spiraling closer to the brink. He brought his hand to her clit and applied a strong, circling pressure. The intense connection after the gentle lapping of the water brought her own climax much closer. She ground down harder into his pelvis and hand. He shifted his angle in response, making the drag of his shaft rub harder against her sensitive peak. 

She gasped louder and harder now. He picked up his pace, rutting into her with wanton disregard. She rode him with an equally reckless desire until the shockwave spread through her body. A white heat rippled from her core to her limbs and she screamed his name. Her orgasm brought her inner walls crushing around Chakotay propelling him to shoot inside her. He clenched her body tightly against his own as he emptied himself fully. They both sank exhausted into the water, limbs holding loosely as they floated lost in the moment. 

He thanked the Spirits for bringing him his woman warrior. Who knew being stranded on a remote planet for the rest of his life could be so enjoyable? What fate could be better than spending his remaining years discovering all the ways he could satisfy this woman?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I am the worst at notes and keep deleting them or accidentally putting them in the wrong place. There used to be a note here asking for input on the fluff vs. angst ratio. So I appreciate any thoughts on whether you prefer fluffy smut or angsty smut as this story could go several different directions.


	2. Whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain and Commander come face to face with the away team from Voyager.

The away team retreated along the same path they had come. Tuvok contemplated how he was going to manage this situation. The physical health and safety of the command team seemed an easy enough situation to rectify, yet his years of friendship with Captain Janeway made him certain she would be distressed at the exposure of such an intimate moment. 

“I guess if you left a man and a woman alone on a planet for the rest of their lives this is kind of inevitable,” mused Tom. “I wonder which one of them made the first move?”

“Mr. Paris I must remind you it is completely unbecoming to discuss this topic with regards to your commanding officers. You will not speculate further along these lines.”

Tom returned a begrudging “Aye, Sir.” The most exciting gossip since they had been in the Delta Quadrant and the Vulcan was determined to take all the fun out of it.

When they reached the shelter, the team began setting up the pattern enhancers to encompass the makeshift building. Once they had completed the task, Tuvok checked in with the bridge to ensure there were still no signs of enemy vessels. He informed Mr. Kim that the Captain and Commander were safe and vaguely indicated that the transport would take some additional time to accomplish. Vulcans were not known to be vague.

With the work accomplished, Lt Paris and Lt Ayala looked unsure what to do with themselves. 

“I’m going to have a seat inside while we wait,” announced Tom. He entered the tiny shelter and let out a cry of exclamation. “Oh this is too good. You have to see this Mike.”

Ayala and Tuvok followed him inside to see what had caused the young helmsman such glee. The two small sleeping areas of the emergency shelter had been merged and the single beds pushed together to make one larger bed. The sheets were tussled and strewn about as to indicate the bed had been recently used. Tuvok was certain without the air filters of his biocontainment gear his olfactory senses would have been assaulted. 

“Outside now,” ordered Tuvok and the three exited.

“I will meditate until the Captain and Commander return,” announced Tuvok. “Patrol security sweeps around the area until such time. Alert me if there are any status changes.” He would normally lead them in patrolling the area, however he needed time to reflect on the most logical path forward through the inevitable messy human emotions that would arise from this situation.

Tom and Mike walked routes around the shelter, phasers at the ready. Once Tom was sure the Vulcan was deep into his own inner subconsciousness, he ventured to speak with the other Lieutenant.

“So has Chakotay always been this good with the ladies?” he asked.

Mike let out a low, hearty laugh. “I doubt Chakotay would like you speculating about his sex life.”

“It’s not exactly speculation when you’ve seen it first hand. And hey, at least he has a sex life. It’s been a long couple of years on Voyager. You know it’s pretty hard to have a one nightstand when you might see that same Ensign for the next seventy years,” balked Tom. 

“Did you hear something?” asked Ayala.

They stopped to listen and they caught the sound of voices approaching. Lighthearted voices, filled with laughter and giggles. 

“So do you want to make lunch and I’ll pick out a book for us to read? Or should it be the other way around?” asked the Captain.

“I’d like to live a little longer if you don’t mind, so no you should definitely not be making the meals,” teased the Commander.

Mike steered Tom back to the front of the shelter where they informed Tuvok of the returning pair. The Vulcan had just recovered to a standing position when the Captain and Commander rounded the shelter corner to find the away team. 

It was impossible to tell which group was more shocked. The Captain and Commander froze in midstride, eyes flashing widely open. Tuvok was the only one able to maintain any level of composure, as Mike and Tom stood jaws agape at what they saw before them. Even though they had just witnessed their commanders in a very compromising position, those observations had been from a considerable distance, up close their appearance was even more jarring. 

The Commander was topless, wearing nothing save for a pair of tan slacks sitting low on his hips. His copper chest and arm muscles were completely exposed. He carried a small pack at one side and his other arm was wrapped lovingly around the Captain’s waist, keeping their bodies connected as they walked. 

Her appearance was practically indecent. Captain Janeway wore only a man’s cream tunic that hung on her like a skimpy dress. It was cut in a deep vee displaying the elegant curves of her breasts. Her wet hair had made part of the material translucent, exposing her pink nipples through the clinging fabric. The tunic ended at the top of her thighs, revealing her toned and alluring legs. Both of them were barefoot and obviously lost in the pleasure of each other’s company.

When the Captain saw the away team, she was instantly thrown into a state of mental disarray. Chakotay was equally stunned at the unexpected interruption from Voyager.

“Tuvok?” she gasped in surprise, recognizing her friend immediately, even through the heavy containment suit. 

To her credit, the Captain quickly recovered from the initial shock. She swiftly released the Commander and added a step of separation between their bodies. Her hands pulled the tunic opening shut and she wrapped her arms over her chest, a move that both hid her body and helped her regain her authority. Despite being half-naked she had pulled herself back into a formidable command posture.

“What is going on? Is the ship safe?” she demanded.

“Captain, we have a cure for your ailment. We have been trying to contact you since we have been in communications range without success. The Doctor is prepared to treat you both immediately. The ship is safe in orbit and I suggest we make a quick evacuation to ensure it remains that way,” advised Tuvok.

“Thank you. The Commander and I just need a moment to retrieve our uniforms and we will be ready to go.”

Even through the hazard suit, she could see the impetuous smirk that formed on Tom Paris’ face at her remarks. She would deal with him later. The young Lieutenant was stifling more than his words and was thankful for the thick safety gear, as the sight of the scantily clad Captain had caused an uncomfortable rise between his legs.

“Do you have an empty cargo bay? We should beam up the entire structure in a containment field until we can confirm there are no dangerous insects or particulates present. The Commander and I can extract our belongings once it has been deemed safe.”

“Precisely my thinking Captain. We’ll give you a moment to change.”

The Captain walked austerely into the shelter, the Commander followed behind, still dazed from the abrupt change in circumstances. 

Lt Ayala did his best to defuse some of the tension. “It’s good to see you boss,” he offered Chakotay.

“Thanks Mike, it’s good to see you too.”

Once the door closed behind them, her command presence faded and she started to tremble. The mental whiplash was extreme. To go from expecting to spend the rest of their lives on this planet to immediately having to return to their duties on Voyager had obviously shaken them both.

“Kathryn….”

“No, no we can’t do this right now. We need to get dressed and get back to the ship.” Her voice was unsteady.

He came up behind her, covering her with his arms. “It will be okay,” he soothed into her ear. “We’ll return to Voyager and we can talk once this all settles down. This is a lot to process.” He tried to reassure her, as his own fears and doubts ran rampant through his mind.

“Thank you Chakotay,” She tilted her head up and gave him a gentle kiss. Then she broke their contact in obvious frustration. 

“I don’t know how I am going to recover from the crew seeing us like this. Let’s hurry up and get dressed before Mr. Paris has any more time to use his already overactive imagination.”

They quickly dug out their Starfleet uniforms, finding the comm badges buried deep in a trunk alongside their discarded clothing. They dressed promptly and Kathryn worked her wet hair into a semblance of her usual updo. She was about to exit when Chakotay grabbed her hand.

His dark brown eyes sought a connection with her own deep blue ones. “Promise me that no matter what happens, you and I will figure this out together.” 

She reached a hand up to stroke his cheek and gave him one last kiss. “Together. I promise.”

And with that they were outside and Tuvok ordered them transported directly to sick bay.

* * *

The Doctor pressed a cold hypospray against her neck, she flinched slightly as the chilly temperature connected with her warm skin. He did not appear to notice and proceeded to inoculate Commander Chakotay who was seated at the biobed next to her.

“The serum should start working immediately,” proclaimed the Doctor.

He ran his medical tricorder over the Commander before returning to do the same to her. 

“I believe your extended shore leave has been good for you both. Lower cortisol levels, higher red blood cell counts….” He paused for a moment. “Well this is unusual, you are showing foreign DNA sequences in your…. oh…oh my…” came the Doctor’s realization, failing to stifle his flabbergasted expression.

The Captain fought the red heat rising up her collar, refusing to give way to her embarrassment. They had been intimate multiple times today and it had been less than an hour since she had last made love to Chakotay. She was certain the Doctor’s scan had just identified an abundance of his sperm still inside her.

“Doctor,” she began. “Is the virus in remission? Are we free to return to duty?”

The hologram snapped his focus back to the medical issue at hand.

“Yes, yes everything appears to be working perfectly and I see no more traces of the virus in your systems. I would like you to return for daily scans for the rest of the week to ensure there is no viral resurgence. Additionally, if you experience any symptoms in the slightest you should report to sickbay immediately.”

“Thank you Doctor.” 

She turned to look at Commander Chakotay. He appeared as stunned and lost as she felt inside. “Commander, return to the bridge and I will join you shortly,” she ordered in a soft tone.

He slowly wrestled out of his torpor and tried to regain his own professional demeanor. “Yes Captain.” His response was firm, but she could see the lingering doubts in his eyes as he exited the room. 

Once he was gone, she turned to the Doctor. “I need you to check my inhibitor levels and provide me a booster if necessary.”

The Doctor did not seem surprised in the least at her request and performed one more brief scan of the Captain. “The inhibitor measurements in your bloodstream are below the recommended effective levels.” He went to retrieve a canister from the other side of the room and loaded it into a hypospray. 

“This new dosage will act as contraceptive for the next six months.” He paused and searched carefully for how to phrase his next statement. ”It will also prevent fertilization from occurring due to any recent activities.” He released the drug into her system and she sighed with relief.

“Thank you again Doctor. And now I must see to my ship.” She hopped off the biobed and started to walk away before pausing.

“And I can trust your discretion in this matter?” she half asked, half ordered the hologram.

“Confidentiality as always.”

* * *

Chakotay had either waited for her or had been detained by crewmen greeting his return, because the Captain caught up with him outside the turbolift. They stood in silence until the door opened and they both stepped inside. 

“Bridge” she commanded.

“Halt turbolift,” he countered.

She turned to him slightly exasperated. “I know we need to talk, this still isn’t the time. There is only half of Alpha shift left. Let’s just get through it and I promise you we’ll talk afterwards.”

“Dinner? My quarters?” he asked.

She hesitated, not wanting them to be observed together in his personal space. She was already strategizing how to contain what the away team had witnessed on New Earth. 

“I don’t want to be seen in each other’s quarters right now. We’ll talk in the cargo bay since we need to get our things anyway,” she commanded in her official tone. 

Chakotay ran a hand through his hair. His face a mixture of emotions. “Kathryn, why don’t we take the day off? If this happened to any other crewman you would order them to take some time and get resituated before returning to work.”

Her body jerked rigid at the suggestion and her response came out more heated than she would have preferred. 

“We are not any other crew members, we are the commanding officers of this vessel. And an away team just saw their Captain practically naked in the arms of her First Officer. We need to reassert our authority and we need to ensure the command structure is crystal clear to everyone on board. We will both be beacons of leadership and professionalism for the remainder of this shift.”

“Yes, Captain,” he acknowledged. It was obvious she needed to regain her footing as the Captain for her own mental clarity. If this is what she needed, he would gladly support her. Her burdens were his to carry after all. 

“When the shift is over, we can talk, really talk about all this,” she said in a much softer tone, a hint of hopefulness pervading her words. Her eyes lingered over his body as she contemplated giving him more encouragement. She decided to take his hand and brought it to her mouth for a quick, light kiss, dropping his fingers almost as swiftly as she had taken them.

“But for now, we need to work. Computer resume.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still haven't figured out if this is going the fluff or the angst route. I appreciate everyone who commented their opinion!


	3. Return to Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain and Commander must decide if their fledgling relationship can work now that they are back on Voyager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to  
> [The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade/pseuds/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade) and [tojanewayandbeyond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tojanewayandbeyond/pseuds/tojanewayandbeyond) for my first ever beta!
> 
> And this chapter lifts dialogue from Star Trek Voyager Season 2, Episode Resolutions which was written by Jeri Taylor. All credit to the owners and creators, thanks for letting me take your characters out for a spin. And especially to Gene Rodenberry who gave us this wonderful world to explore!

The lift opened to the bridge. 

“Welcome back, Captain, Commander.”

Chakotay nodded and proceeded to his chair. Janeway lingered behind near the tactical station. “The Doctor tells me you contacted the Vidiians after all.”

Tuvok’s countenance remained unchanged as always. “I disobeyed your order, Captain. I am prepared to accept the consequences.”

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d say your decision was almost emotional,” she teased. She turned to the rest of the crew. “Thank you all. Well, we’ve lost time with all this. Let’s see if we can make some of it up. Mister Paris, warp eight.”

“Aye Captain.” The helmsman kept his eyes facing front, for fear that if he turned he would be overwhelmed by the memory of his commanding officer naked. 

She settled in her Captain’s chair, running her hands along the armrests, as if trying to remind herself of her position. “Commander, we’ll need to review the ship’s systems. I’ll handle propulsion, environmental, and communication. You’ll be responsible for sensors, weapons, and transporters.”

Her voice betrayed nothing except the cold crack of command. He tried to maintain a similar professional demeanor despite his insides churning nervously. If this was what she needed, he would support her.

“Aye, Captain. I’ll have a report to you by eighteen hundred hours.”

“Check with phaser maintenance. See if they solved that problem with the pre-fire chamber temperature.” She added to his list of duties. He wondered if she was overloading him with work so he wouldn’t have time to think about anything else.

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ll see to it.” He bore his eyes into the command console and began to review the ship’s data and reports she had assigned to him. He worked quietly next to her, trying not to be distracted by her slender fingers, slender fingers that had been stroking his erection earlier…. He snapped his wandering focus back to weapons, trying to work out a better replenishment schedule for the photon torpedoes.

The shift was arduous, somehow getting through the next four hours seemed impossible. About an hour following their entrance, she retreated to her ready room. The Captain requested Tuvok’s presence shortly after, and he remained with her for a considerable amount of time before reappearing on the bridge.

Chakotay was able to focus better without her present, but he also ached to be near her again. Finally at 1800 he had his reports prepared, downloaded them to some PADDs, and alerted the chime at her door.

“The reports you requested,” he stated, placing the stack on her desk. He stood waiting for a response.

“Thank you Commander.” She lifted her head to meet his eyes. “Have a seat, there is something we need to discuss.”

“Here? I thought you wanted to talk in the cargo bay?” He sat down across from her, his trepidation palpable knowing she wanted to have this discussion in an official location.

Her face was inscrutable. “Chakotay,” she began.

He was growing more fraught, unsure of her intentions.

“If I had known we would be returning to the ship, I never would have let this happen…. Fraternization with a subordinate is a bad idea for a litany of reasons and I should not have let this occur.” She paused. “But I did…. and it did.”

“Yes, it did,” he said as neutrally as possible. His lower jaw jutted out slightly, as it always did when he was concentrating too hard. He sat rigid, trying to mask his growing unease.

A hint of sadness permeated her words and she could no longer meet his eyes, she stared out the viewport at the passing stars. “I opened Pandora’s box and now everything has been unleashed. I can’t put our feelings back inside. I can’t keep the crew from knowing about our indiscretions. I betrayed my promise to Mark. I betrayed my duty to Starfleet. I took to bed the man I was sent to capture.”

He was afraid of where she was going. He wanted to contradict her, tell her that these were not the same circumstances as if they were in the Alpha Quadrant. He knew better than to argue with her though and he stayed silent, waiting for her to work out the rest of her thoughts.

“But I know we can’t go back. I have thought about this all day and I discussed it in depth with Tuvok and I think tha—“

“You discussed _us_ with Tuvok?” he interrupted. Incredulous that she would have that sort of exchange with a Vulcan, even if he was her friend.

“If this is going to continue. And I would very much like this to continue,” she said, as she finally met his eye, her desire now clearly evident. “Then we need to ensure our relationship doesn’t adversely affect the ship. Since Tuvok is the next most senior officer, it only makes sense that he would be our monitor of sorts and arbiter when needed.”

Hope washed away his fear as Chakotay was pleasantly surprised by her words. She wanted this to continue. She wanted him. “I thought you were going to end this. I thought you were trying to find a way to let me down easy.”

She shook her head. “I seriously considered it. It would be heartbreaking, but if I thought it was in the best interest of the ship I would end it. Tuvok was surprisingly in favor of us remaining together. He noted it was more rational for a happy couple to lead the crew than to have two miserable and estranged individuals trying to command this ship.”

“I’ll be sure to thank Tuvok next time I see him,” smirked Chakotay as he leaned forward placing his hands on her desk.

“Well that will be soon. You’re meeting with him tomorrow at 1000. He is going to talk to you about the rearranged terms of our command structure,” she stated officiously. 

“Wait? Did I hear you correctly? I am meeting with Tuvok to talk about _us_?”

“No, you’re meeting with Tuvok to get his confirmation that our ongoing relationship won’t hurt Voyager’s operations.”

“So now I need Tuvok’s permission to be with you? I thought we were going to figure this out together?” asked Chakotay in disbelief.

She reached out over the desk and squeezed his hand with affection. “Yes. You and me. Our relationship. We are going to figure that out together.”

She released his hand and returned to her upright, professional posture. “However, the ship is still mine to command and I set the rules for how we operate on duty. I am your Captain and you follow my orders. That’s the only way this is going to work. My orders are that Tuvok will verify our ability to maintain a personal and professional separation. This is the one topic where I cannot and will not listen to your counsel. Neither of us could be objective on this matter.”

She was right. He knew they couldn’t risk bringing their personal issues onto the bridge or into a red alert situation. And if an awkward conversation with Tuvok was the price for keeping her, he was more than willing to pay it.

“Aye Captain,” he acknowledged seriously. 

Then he relaxed into a more familiar manner. “Alpha shift has ended, if you don’t have any additional orders, can we head down to the cargo bay and get our things? The biohazard sweeps cleared the shelter for us to access.”

She returned a crooked grin. “Just one more order. You need to go to sickbay as soon as possible and get your inhibitor updated.”

He blushed, dimples flaring. “Of course Captain.”

She stood up. “Alright, let’s go pack up our stuff. And talk.”

* * *

The walk down to the cargo bay took nearly half an hour as every crewman wanted to stop and welcome them back on board.

“We should tour the ship tomorrow. I think it would do the crew good to see us back in action,” she said as the cargo bay doors slid shut, the appreciation of her people had reignited her usual command spunk.

Seeing their shelter, their once home encased in the stark metal of the cargo bay was off putting. She felt a twinge of sadness for her Talaxian tomatoes and her bathtub that had been left behind. They entered the shelter and when the door closed it was like they were back on New Earth, the whole of Voyager had disappeared.

She sighed and dropped into their combined bed. He was surprised at her rapid shift to such an easy going demeanor. She patted the spot next to her and he sat down beside her.

“How are you feeling right now?” he asked.

“Confused, tired, excited, lost, happy, scared, disoriented, basically every emotion in the spectrum,” she smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, more than fine, now that I know you still want to be with me.” He looked utterly pleased as he spoke. “So how do you see us moving forward in our personal lives?” he asked with a hint of seduction as he moved one hand to caress her thigh.

She smiled brightly before admitting with a giggle. “I have absolutely no idea.”

He laughed, her honesty was endearing.

“I’m not the best at relationships, I was kind of hoping you would have a plan in mind.”

“Kathryn, I don’t think you make a tactical plan for being with another person. You just let things progress naturally.”

She cringed awkwardly. “Maybe you do. I, on the other hand, have a plan for everything. And a back up plan. And a secondary back up plan.”

He laughed again, throwing his arms around her and pulling her in close. “Well, how is this for a plan? I think we should spend as much time together as possible. We should have dinner together. You should let me take you out and romance you. Before we tumbled into bed, I did have plans to win your heart you know.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to tumble into bed anymore?” she asked, her breathing growing heavier.

“I will always want you in my bed, but I have to follow my Captain’s orders and I don’t know if I’m allowed yet.“ He unzipped her jacket as his eyes dared her to stop his advances. He leaned in closer, moving his hand along her golden pips, before he lowered the crest of her turtleneck and sucked along the nape of her neck. “Do I need Tuvok’s permission to do this?”

She inhaled sharply at his touch.

“Do I need Tuvok’s permission to do this?” He pulled off her jacket and took her mouth into his own, pressing ardently into her warmth.

He peeled off her Starfleet turtleneck. “What about this, do I need Tuvok’s permission to do this?” he murmured into the corner of her mouth as he proceeded to stroke the length of her torso, lightly touching the side of her bra.

“Stop talking about Tuvok” she huffed in reply. “You’re killing the mood.”

He ran his index finger over the curve of her top lip, then continued to trace along her fuller bottom one. He nipped and sucked at her bottom lip before parting her mouth into a deep, sensual kiss. She could feel the wetness begin to pool in her underwear.

“Computer, lock cargo bay doors, authorization Janeway Lambda Three.”

Chakotay reached up and pulled the pins from her hair, releasing the auburn strands to fall over her porcelain shoulders. He massaged his hands through her head, shaking out her beautiful locks and relieving her tension. She moaned in appreciation. 

The day had been jarring and he wanted to shower her with comfort, use his slow ministrations to ease the disconcerting abruptness with which their world had been shaken. He tenderly removed the rest of her clothing as she relieved him of his own.

Chakotay lay her down gently beside him, appraising her striking body with his eyes. He ran his hand lovingly from the side of her cheek, along her neck, across her breast, and down her waist to the fullness of her hip. “You’re stunning,” he whispered into her ear. 

He pressed the fullness of his erection into her thigh, “Do you feel the effect you have on me?” He kissed her hard and passionately, his hands explored her everywhere, trying to convey his need for her and her alone. “You’re irresistible to me.”

She pulled him tighter into their embrace. His words lit her on fire and the yearning between her legs became almost unbearable. He recognized her need and brought his hand down to provide the touch she craved. He circled the edges of her velvety folds before dipping his fingers into her wet heat. She gasped at the contact.

He released her lips and worked his mouth in a downward trajectory against her body. He paused at her breast to suck and tease her nipple into a taught point, continuing along her belly and hip before finding his goal. He brought his tongue firmly against her hooded bud, flicking and dragging it over her most sensitive nerves. His tongue and fingers worked together to build her pleasure.

She quivered and wailed in appreciation. “Yes,” she begged. Her legs began to shake uncontrollably and she involuntarily squirmed away from the shear intensity. Chakotay pulled up, realizing he would need to reposition himself. She was both relieved and disappointed at the loss of contact. He moved from her side to kneel between her legs and looked up at her with a grin.

He grabbed her firmly with both hands, planting the heels of his palms where her inner thighs met her groin and used his broad fingers to press down on the edge of her legs and pelvis. He pushed against her ensuring he could hold her body steady while he continued. “You’re not getting away from me this time, Kathryn,” he assured. 

Then he pounced.

He plunged both his thumbs into her vagina as his mouth renewed the assault on her highly stimulated nub. She cried out from the overwhelming sensation of it all. 

“Oh God, it’s too much,” she squealed.

Her hips bucked, but his strong hands held her core firmly in place as his mouth worked its magic. He circled his thumbs inside her until he brought them up together to press against the ceiling of her delicious channel. He rubbed his thumbs roughly against her inner clitoral nerves, sending her tumbling into orgasm.

She screamed his name as her shoulders lifted off the bed and her whole body shook in ecstasy. She fell back into the sheets, heart racing, mind a foggy blur.

Chakotay released his grip and began to kiss his way up her navel, between her breasts, and along her neck until he was nestled above her. He was careful to bear his own weight and allow her time to recover. The sound of her panting near his ear, sated from his efforts, was so erotic that it made his already strained erection feel like it would burst.

He fought against his body’s overwhelming demand to take her immediately and instead whispered sweet nothings into her ear, telling her how amazing and special she was to him. As she came back to awareness, Kathryn wrapped a hand around the base of his neck pulling him in for another kiss. She could taste her own earthy desire in his mouth.

“I need you,” she begged.

“Then you’ll have me,” he promised, more than ready to continue. 

He reached one hand down to hold his shaft as he aligned his head against her hot, throbbing entrance. He circled a few times, lubricating himself in her juices. He paused at the precipice and sought to meet her gaze. Once their eyes locked, he thrusted deeply, burying himself to the hilt.

She gasped and he groaned as their bodies joined in a moment of pure perfection. He wanted to live in this instant forever, yet his primal hunger insisted he move. He held her close as he slid in and out of her pulsing core. He tried to keep a solid, even pace for her enjoyment, though he longed to unbridle his restraint and just fuck her senseless.

He maintained a considerate rhythm at first, but the noises she made would be his undoing. Every moan and huff, drove him mad, set his blood boiling. Finally, he slid his hands down her back until he held her sides, his need could no longer be contained as he lifted her hips and began to plunge wildly into her body.

Each stroke was a crushing assault inside her, each meeting of their flesh a resolute force. Her eyes rolled back into her head and only inarticulate sounds escaped her mouth now. He plummeted into her again and again with every ounce of his strength. He lost all conscious control as his body demanded relief by any means. Soon he found his peak and slammed down with the full power of his physique as he spilled shamelessly into her womb.

She found her second climax as he came and she clamped her legs around him, holding him tightly to her body as her inner muscles surged and undulated around his cock. Once both were spent, he rolled them over, pulling her on top of him, careful to keep her impaled upon his retreating member. Somehow she found herself completely full and entirely empty in this moment. 

“Have you always been this good in bed?” Kathryn asked through ragged breath.

He chuckled. “I think we’re only this good together.” He held her close, utterly content for this woman to be lying in his arms. 

“As much as I would love to stay like this all night, we really need to pack up our stuff and fix the beds. We'll have to send some crewmen in here to repack or recycle everything tomorrow,” she lamented into his chest.

“I suppose you’re right,” he sighed.

“I hate being right.”

After much coaxing of their bodies, they unhappily separated, cleaned themselves, and dressed in their uniforms. Chakotay pulled the beds apart and returned each to their individual alcoves as Kathryn began packing her things. He was going to start on his own clothes when he noticed a small grey box on the floor near the front door. He walked over to inspect the object. He didn’t remember that being there. He picked it up and saw that it was a Voyager medical kit, a small portable one, not the larger set of medical supplies that had come with the shelter. 

He realized someone else had been inside here, and then in horror, he wondered if someone else was _still_ here. “Computer, identify the occupants of Cargo Bay 1,” he commanded. Kathryn scrunched up her face in confusion at his request.

“Cargo Bay 1 is currently occupied by Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and Lieutenant Paris.”

“Fuck,” sounded three voices in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope you enjoy the story so far, the next chapter should be up soon!


	4. Mistakes Were Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to see how Tom managed to get himself into such a precarious situation...and more importantly, can he get out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade and tojanewayandbeyond for all the input and making this a way better story!

The mess hall was positively brimming at the end of Alpha shift. Harry Kim was grinning ear-to-ear as he ate his dinner opposite Tom Paris. Harry sat content in the knowledge that he was a major reason for the safe return of their command team and the much improved crew morale. 

“Today was a good day, Tom. We rescued the Captain and the Commander,” he exclaimed proudly. “And you didn’t even tell me how the away mission went? Tuvok never explained what delayed your return.”

Lieutenant Paris let out a long breath, trying to keep his face from contorting into a knowing grin. He wanted to talk to Harry about everything, but Tuvok had made it clear that he was not to repeat a word about what he saw planetside. There had long been rumblings amongst the crew about the Captain and the Commander growing close. Still there was a big jump between a bit of flirty banter and what the away team had stumbled upon. He probably wouldn’t have believed it himself if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. 

“You know how it is, another day, another planet,” he deflected as he looked down before Harry knew something was up. He speared a fork into Neelix’s latest creation, trying to figure out how their chef had made a dish that was both too crunchy and too slimy at the same time. 

“Now that the crew is back in good spirits how about we plan the next event at Sandrine’s? You know we could do a jazz night, my clarinet and I will be ready to go.” And to drive the point home, Harry pantomimed playing his instrument in the air.

“Yeah we should do another event…” Tom trailed off. 

He was still processing what he had seen on the away mission. Tom was finally moving past the initial shock and considering the implications of the Captain and the Commander being a couple. 

Captain Janeway had placed a good deal of trust in him when she first pulled him out of prison, then reinstated his commison, and finally put him on her senior staff. He both respected her greatly as an officer and harbored a growing fondness for her as a person. He couldn’t help but smile whenever he thought of her hustling him at pool like she did. And now, he was slightly dismayed to find that his body had acknowledged her attractiveness as a woman. He valued the Captain and as much as he would enjoy teasing her over this situation, he would never want to harm their relationship.

His relationship with the Commander was another story. Tom and Chakotay had come a long way since nearly exchanging blows the first time they were reunited on Voyager. What started as a begrudging truce, evolved into an officer's respect, and eventually they had become friends, well maybe not quite friends, at least friendly acquaintances. 

He wanted to be happy for the two of them, surely they deserved whatever scraps of comfort they could find in this God forsaken quadrant. Still he couldn’t help resenting the Commander for all of this. What gave him the right to do those things to the Captain? She was the larger than life leader of this crew and the Commander screwing her seemed to taint her prestige. It was as if Chakotay’s touch penetrated her aura of invincibility and dragged her back down to be with the rest of the mere mortals.

“Tom. Bridge to Tom. Hey Tom! Are you even listening?” asked Harry, pulling the Lieutenant out of his inner musings. 

Tom shook his head. “Sorry Harry, my mind is just elsewhere tonight. You were saying?”

“I was asking why you guys were delayed on the planet? Seems like the beam out took longer than expected,” queried Ensign Kim naively. Harry’s whole face shone brightly, oblivious to the true answer to his innocent question. 

“Well… ummm…” Tom took a sip of his drink to buy some time. He could passably, no more than passably, he could brilliantly lie to just about anyone, except Harry. His friend would know he was hiding something in a heartbeat. 

Before Tom could answer the mess hall doors opened and in walked a foolishly grinning Mike Ayala and a laughing B’Elanna Torres. He paused for a moment to take in the Klingon engineer, he couldn’t decide if he was more intrigued or irritated by her feisty personality. He wondered what Mike did to make her laugh. That guy hardly ever spoke two words, what could he possibly have said to improve the mood of the typically cranky Chief Engineer? Tom ducked his head down pretending to be extremely interested in his dish of….well whatever his dish was. 

“B’Elanna, come sit with us!” gestured an excited Harry. He turned back to Tom. “She was just about as adamant to get the command team back as I was.”

B’Elanna and Mike retrieved their food trays and sat down at Harry and Tom’s table. Tom’s body tingled as he could feel B’Elanna’s leg next to his. Intriguing was currently winning out in his assessment of this woman.

“Have you spoken to them yet?” asked Harry. “Had a chance to welcome them back?”

“No, I’ve been in Engineering all day, we still haven’t completed all the repairs from the Vidiian attack.” She rolled her shoulders to relieve some of the muscle tension that had built up while crawling around in the Jefferies tubes all day. “I wish I could have made it up to the bridge. I should probably find Chakotay after dinner and give the old man some grief.” 

Something about the adoring look on her face when she talked about Chakotay didn’t sit right with Tom. He could tell she idolized the former Maquis leader. Of all the women on this ship, of course the one he found fascinating would be interested in the Commander. He wondered how B’Elanna would feel if she knew what Chakotay and the Captain had been doing back on the planet.

“I saw the Commander and Captain,” said Mike.

“Of course you did Mike, we were both on the away team that brought them back,” said Tom mockingly. There was a reason this guy was never Starfleet in the first place. As a wall of a man, he made an excellent security officer, but Tom had never found him to be particularly clever. He often wondered how Mike had been sharp enough to be Chakotay’s right hand man and why Tuvok had appointed him deputy chief of security. 

“Hey, can you tell me what caused the delay back on the planet?” asked Harry. “Tom’s been pretty quiet about the whole thing. If there was a problem with the pattern enhancers, I’d like to have transporter maintenance take a look at the equipment.”

Ayala and Paris exchanged a knowing look. 

“Nothing was wrong with the pattern enhancers. It took us a while to locate the Captain and the Commander and then we had to wait for them to get dressed,” stated Mike matter of factly, as he shoved his mouth full of the questionable greenish substance that Neelix had prepared. Mike seemed completely oblivious to the implication he left hanging at the end of his statement.

B’Elanna practically choked on her drink. “What do you mean get dressed?”

Tom kicked Mike under the table. How could someone so loyal to Chakotay be so clueless of the damage he could do?

“He means we had to wait for them to get changed out of their civilian clothes and back into their Starfleet uniforms,” quickly clarified Tom. 

“It’s strange to picture the Captain in civilian clothes, even stranger to imagine what she does when she’s not on duty,” mused B’Elanna. “I’ll have to ask Chakotay what they did to pass the time.”

“You have no idea,” Tom mumbled under his breath. Before anyone could react to his statement a nasal voice broke the air. 

“EMH to Mr. Paris,” came the call over his commbadge.

Tom tapped his badge. “Go ahead, Doctor.”

“Mr. Paris, it has been over six hours since your away mission and you have yet to return the emergency medkit to sickbay. Don’t tell me you’ve lost valuable ship’s property?”

Tom swallowed hard. Where was the medkit? He didn’t remember holding it when he materialized in the Voyager transporter room. A look of panic flashed across his face. He must have set it down somewhere on the planet, he just hoped that somewhere was part of what they had beamed aboard the ship.

“Just a minute Doc, I’ll have it back shortly.”

“Every piece of medical equipment better be in its proper place before you turn in for the evening Mr. Paris. Is that understood? Or else-”

Tom cut the commlink.

“Computer, who is in Cargo Bay 1?” he asked.

The computer chirped in reply. “Cargo Bay 1 is currently empty.”

He exhaled a breath of air in relief. “I’ve got to go, I think I left the medkit somewhere near their shelter.”

“You left the medkit?” asked Harry, surprised by his friend’s carelessness. “Did you have to treat them, were they injured?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I set it down accidentally and must have forgotten it. I better go before the Doctor has me on report. See you guys tomorrow.”

B’Elanna gave him a smirk. “See ya later, flyboy.”

His heart skipped a beat. He gave her a wry smile in return and he cheekily plucked a bite from her plate as he exited the mess hall.

Tom rushed down to the cargo bay as quickly as he could, hopefully the kit had made it back onto the ship. If not, the Doctor would be livid and he’d be working double shifts in sickbay for the foreseeable future. He entered the cargo bay and started searching for the lost medkit. He walked around the perimeter of the shelter with no luck. It suddenly dawned on him that he must have set it down when he got distracted looking at their bed. How could he have been so foolish to leave it inside the shelter? 

He was about to head back around to the shelter entrance when he heard the cargo bay doors swish open. Of course, just what he needed. He could hear the Captain and Commander talking as they entered. He quickly flattened himself behind some storage crates and prayed they hadn’t seen them. 

He couldn’t see anything, but he could hear every word they were saying. The conversation was extremely personal and he knew he shouldn’t be privy to any of this. He tried his best not to pay attention as they talked about their relationship and their feeling for one another. 

And then suddenly the Commander’s voice became playful. _“Do I need Tuvok’s permission to do this?”_ Tom made a face. He wasn’t sure if he was more appalled that the scene was turning into foreplay or that Chakotay was talking about Tuvok as a seduction line.

Shit. Shit. Shit. He thought as he weighed his options. They obviously had other things in mind besides packing up their belongings and he didn’t want to be here for any of it. He couldn’t just sneak out because they would hear the doors open. Even if they didn’t see him exit they would know it was him from the computer records. He would have to wait and hope they wouldn’t find his med kit before they finished retrieving their things. Suddenly it got very quiet. The talking and noises had stopped. Maybe they realized this was not the ideal location for those sorts of activities. 

_“Computer, lock cargo bay doors, authorization Janeway Lambda Three.”_

His heart dropped into his stomach when he heard the Captain call for the room to be sealed. He was now trapped. In here. With them. Shit. Shit. Shit.

And he couldn’t stop listening to the things they were saying. The personal declarations from Chakotay cemented his earlier assessment that he wasn’t good enough for the Captain. He couldn’t come up with a better line than you’re irresistible? How unoriginal. Despite being friendly with the Commander now, he was quickly growing to resent the man’s newfound closeness with the Captain. Chakotay clearly had no idea how lucky he was to be doing this with her. The fact that Captain Janeway would even deign to allow him into her private life, let alone give him such unparalleled access to her physical self. Tom wanted the Captain to be able to have a personal life, he shouldn’t begrudge her a reprieve from the loneliness of the Delta Quadrant. But did he? A small sliver of envy crept unwelcome up inside him. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by her piercing cries. The noises the Captain started to make were intoxicating. It had been so long since he had last been with a woman. He had forgotten the pleasure of hearing those sweet noises of ecstasy. Tom tried not to listen to her gasps and moans, still he was only human. He was slowly becoming aroused by the mental image of the naked, writhing Captain only a few meters away. 

_"Chakotay!!!"_

The scream came loud and uncontrolled. He silently begged that her exclamation marked their completion and this would be the end of his uncomfortable predicament.

Unfortunately, they were just getting started. _"I need you."_ He couldn't believe the Commander had her begging, the Captain of all people begging! He must have answered her pleas, since Tom soon got an earful of their huffing and groaning, combined with a rhythmic squeaking and shaking of the bed. Chakotay’s boorish heaving kept growing louder and drowning out the Captain’s sweet sounds of pleasure. He once again wondered what she saw in him. Tom was becoming more set in his assessment that the Commander was much too crass and unrefined for the impeccable Captain Janeway as he was forced to listen to this coarse treatment of her person. Dammit, was this ever going to end? 

After what felt like an eternity he heard the Commander loudly grunt and the Captain scream again. He prayed to whatever Gods were listening that they were finally finished. _“Have you always been this good in bed?”_ He rolled his eyes in disgust at the Captain's comment. Please someone just phaser him now.

Eventually he caught them discussing the need to start packing up and hope surged through Tom. Maybe he would get out of this mess unscathed after all. He waited patiently as the noises from the shelter seemed to indicate they were actually packing their belongings. He was going to get through this! That hope was dashed a few moments later when he heard Chakotay call for the occupants of the cargo bay and the computer revealed his presence.

“Fuck,” slipped out of his mouth. His heart pounding, he knew he was busted. Several awkward minutes of silence passed. 

“Mr. Paris show yourself,” demanded the stern voice of his Captain. Tom extracted himself from his hiding place and made his way to the front of the cargo bay. He noticed the Commander’s furious scowl first. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Chakotay this mad, and Chakotay had wanted him dead in the past. The Captain looked severe, but within the realm of her usual command presence.

“I presume you were looking for this,” stated Captain Janeway as she thrust the emergency medkit into his hands. 

“Yes, Ma’am. Thank you, Ma’am,” he stuttered nervously as he accepted the grey case.

It was at that moment that Chakotay looked down and noticed the tenting in Tom’s pants. The Commander absolutely lost it. “What the hell is wrong with you? Didn’t you get a good enough look back on the planet?” snarled the Commander as he lunged towards the helmsman.

Captain Janeway calmly put a hand up against Chakotay’s chest, stopping him dead in his tracks. She gave him a look to indicate that she was going to handle this situation, then returned her unforgiving gaze to Tom.

“Lieutenant Paris,” she began in an extremely serious tone. “I don’t know how that medkit got inside this shelter. I can only presume you violated a level of our privacy, of _my_ privacy, back when we were planetside.” 

Tom turned red, guilt flowed over him. 

“I know you wouldn’t dare to enter my personal quarters here on Voyager. I don’t know what made you think it would be acceptable to trespass into my private living space on the planet.” Captain Janeway gave him her well known and much feared death glare as she spoke. 

Her intense scrutiny sent Tom desperately seeking escape from her judgment. He looked down in disgrace, concentrating solely on the dark floor tiles. He was ashamed that his actions had disappointed his Captain.

“You will use better judgement on such matters in the future,” Captain Janeway ordered. Commander Chakotay continued to radiate hatred towards Tom, his face flushed and coursing with anger. Tom knew if she unleashed the Commander, he would instantly find a fist in his face. 

The Captain cleared her throat and her expression softened slightly. “And I assure you Mr. Paris... I will use better judgment on where to conduct personal activities in the future.” 

She paused. 

“You better get that back to sickbay before the Doctor has your head. Computer, unlock cargo bay doors, authorization Janeway Lambda Three.”

“Aye, Captain,” he acknowledged gratefully, then turned to make a hasty retreat.

As the door swooshed shut, Chakotay erupted. “You’re just going to let him go? That sick bastard was in here on purpose! And you’re not even going to order him to keep his mouth shut?”

The Captain shook her head. “Neither of us are _ever_ going to use our authority to issue orders in regards to our personal relationship. Yes, he shouldn’t have been here in the first place, but we shouldn’t have been using the cargo bay for a private tryst either. We need to be more discreet going forward. And I take back my previous statement about not being seen in each other’s quarters, I think our quarters are probably where we need to relegate most of our personal time.”

“Yes, Captain,” he admitted through gritted teeth.

Kathryn could see the storm continued to rage inside him, so she relaxed into his chest, pulling him close. Her touch accomplished what her words had failed to do. Her presence was a soothing balm to his fiery soul. 

She sighed. “Chakotay, it isn’t going to be easy trying to run this ship and have a relationship at the same time.”

“Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts?” he asked.

“No, no of course not. And especially not after a performance like that,” she purred.

He pulled her in for a kiss, her lips dissipating all other thoughts from his mind.

Kathryn reluctantly parted from his warm embrace. “Come on now, we better get this finished before anyone else walks in,” she teased as she grabbed his hand and led him back inside their shelter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I found Tom Paris to be more challenging to write than Janeway or Chakotay, so hopefully I did him justice. And if you're planning to stick around until the end right now I expect this story to go about 10-12 Chapters total. Still having lots of fun playing with the fluff/smut/angst ratio and feel free to weigh in if you want me to drive the story a particular direction.


	5. Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Chakotay has to have the talk with Lieutenant Tuvok to convince Captain Janeway that their relationship won't harm Voyager or her crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thanks for the beta [The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade/pseuds/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade) and [tojanewayandbeyond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tojanewayandbeyond/pseuds/tojanewayandbeyond) apologies for all the additional typos I added after you already had a crack at it

They toured the ship the next morning as Captain Janeway had suggested. Their little excursion was a great success, as the Captain and Commander went around to all the major duty stations inspecting the ship's operations and providing their general appreciation to the crew. Every Crewman, Ensign, and Lieutenant was delighted to see them and welcomed them home with warm smiles and good cheer. And the Doctor was especially pleased that he didn’t have to drag them back to Sick Bay for their follow up scans.

Now back on the bridge, the Commander was trying not to fidget. Lt Paris’ head in front of him was an agitating target. Years of carefully rebuilding his trust in the helmsman had gone up in flames yesterday. Kathryn, sitting to his right was equally distracting for a completely different reason. Her very presence stimulated every nerve ending in his being. And then there was Tuvok, off to the side at the Security station, disconcerting with his classic Vulcan stoicism. Chakotay was counting down the minutes until he had to meet with the third in command. He wanted to get this awkward conversation behind him, so Kathryn would be more comfortable moving forward. 

Finally, it was 1000. “Captain, Mr. Tuvok and I have a meeting scheduled.” She nodded her head slightly in approval. Chakotay went and collected Tuvok and they headed to the turbolift.

“Shall we go to my office?” the Commander asked.

“Commander, I believe this conversation will run smoother if you will accompany me to the holodeck.”

Chakotay raised an eyebrow, realizing the Vulcan must have a specific plan for this meeting. “Alright, the holodeck it is then.” They remained in silence until they arrived at their destination. Once inside, Tuvok called for a program. “Computer, activate Tuvok Meditation Gamma Six.

The grey walls with yellow stripes disappeared and in their place was a desert blue landscape, dotted with rocky and cragged mountains in the distance. The sky ranged from blue to red and a single angry sun loomed large near the horizon. In the billowing sand near them, the Commander saw large, smooth stones had been arranged in a long, winding labyrinth. Tuvok led him to the start of the path.

“The L-langon Mountains are a place steeped in tradition on the Vulcan homeworld,” stated Tuvok as he tilted his head to the colossal peaks that surrounded them. “I have brought you here so that we may use a mutual interest to facilitate this conversation. I know we both find clarity through meditation and I intuited that talking while on this meditative walking path would assist our meeting. As an anthropologist and practitioner, am I correct to assume that you are familiar with this form of mindfulness?”

“I am. And I appreciate your consideration.”

Chakotay had never associated communing with the spirits to the types of meditation that Tuvok performed, since his own practice was rooted in spirituality, while the other man’s system was based in logic. Now that it had been pointed out, he could see the obvious connection between the two of them. 

Tuvok began to walk the winding, circuitous path with his knuckles and extended index fingers pressed together. Chakotay fell in step beside him. He waited patiently for Tuvok to lead the conversation, as his body settled into the calming rhythm of the path. They walked in a comfortable silence, each controlling their breath, and bringing themselves into full awareness of the present moment. They continued like this for some time along the symmetric stone circuit before the Vulcan began to speak.

“When we first met, it was based on a deception that initially hindered our subsequent interactions. However, over time, I believe we have established a camaraderie of mutual respect and shared dedication, both to Voyager and her Captain.”

Chakotay nodded in agreement.

“As you are aware, Captain Janeway has asked for both my approval and assistance as you two attempt to navigate dual personal and professional relationships. She has ordered that I am to interject anytime I believe those spheres to be in conflict. Her orders further state that you are to request my counsel if you feel your official judgment is ever compromised by your personal feelings. Do you understand the Captain’s instructions?”

The two kept in lock step focusing ahead on the path. 

“I understand the Captain’s orders and will execute them fully,” attested the Commander. They continued to meander at a leisurely pace around the single threaded maze. The sun dipped lower as the bluish, purple sky created a gentle ambiance around them.

“You are a capable enough thinker to understand this is an extreme risk to the Captain's professional credibility. She is distressed over the violation of protocol and if and when we regain contact with Starfleet, she will no doubt have a difficult time explaining her choices in this matter. Additionally, she fears the crew will respond poorly if your assignations become widely known.”

Chakotay let out a long, slow breath. None of what Tuvok said came as a surprise. Nevertheless, having to hear the words out loud gave them a weight and substance he had been able to avoid in his own mind. He felt a pang of guilt that he was putting this stress upon her when all he wanted to do was ease her burdens. He thought carefully before choosing how to respond.

“I would never do anything to compromise her position. I understand the chance she is taking by allowing us to move forward and I will not take that for granted.”

Tuvok appeared to accept the Commander’s answer and continued walking rhythmically, as if his steps were dictated by a metronome.

“I request that if you intend to change the terms of your personal relationship that you notify me, so that I have adequate time to prepare for the potential ramifications. I have received Captain Janeway’s assurance she will do the same.”

“Change the terms of our relationship?” Chakotay furrowed his brow in confusion.

Tuvok exhaled slowly. “If you terminate your relationship, if you decide to cohabitate, if you pro-“

“Okay, I get what you mean,” said Chakotay, cutting off the Vulcan before he could delve into possibilities that he either didn't want to or wasn't ready to consider.

“As Captain Janeway’s friend, I wish to offer you counsel on a personal level as well.”

Commander Chakotay stumbled slightly at the proposition, his face piqued in surprise. This was not the conversation he had expected from Tuvok. 

“By all means, continue.”

“As you know, Vulcan’s forge a lifelong bond with our chosen mates. If I did not believe your potential to achieve such a bond with the Captain, I would have advised her to proceed differently in the evaluation of your relationship.”

“So you’re saying we’ve got a fighting chance?” smiled the Commander, trying to lighten the mood.

Tuvok continued nonplussed. 

“I offer this advice to ensure your continued unification. The Captain, like all humans, is ruled by a level of emotion. Unlike many humans, she is quite accomplished at concealing the true depths of those emotions. She is a complicated woman with many facets to her personality and is known for being acutely perceptive of others, while stubbornly ignorant of herself. For you to have a harmonious union, you must acknowledge all of her disparate parts and see how they combine into her single being. And in some instances you will be required to be her mirror, to help her see in herself what she cannot. I have observed you to be a patient and thoughtful man. I believe you have the consideration and temperament to forge a successful bond with the Captain, even in these most unusual circumstances. She may indeed be your T’hy’la.”

Chakotay was taken aback by Tuvok’s thoughtful analysis of Kathryn’s personality. He knew they were friends, still he was surprised by the Vulcan’s clear understanding of her inner workings. 

“Thank you for your counsel and support. I know without it, the Captain would not have allowed our relationship to continue. And for that I am eternally grateful.”

The Vulcan nodded as they finished the serpentine maze and found themselves at the exit. 

“I extend one final piece of advice. You and the Captain are both strong willed individuals with firm opinions. I hope you will remember when conflict arises, that it need not be you and her on opposing sides. To be truly successful in any partnership it must be you and her working against the problem, not each other. ”

Once again Chakotay was amazed by the amount of emotional insight that came from a man who actively chose not to feel. “I’ll keep in mind everything you’ve told me.”

Tuvok nodded. 

“Computer end program,” he ordered as the dramatic scenery disappeared and the stark holodeck walls came back into focus. 

“I believe we are due back on the bridge,” said the Lieutenant as he exited into the ship’s corridor. Chakotay followed as a smile took hold of him, even the Vulcan thought they were meant to be together.

* * *

As soon as her two highest ranking officers reappeared on the bridge, the Captain scrutinized Chakotay’s face for clues. She didn’t bother trying to analyze Tuvok’s expression. He would have the same stoic demeanor even if they had just jettisoned the warp core. Chakotay looked content, so the conversation must have gone well.

“Productive meeting?” she asked in her most professional manner.

He flashed her a wide smile. The divots in his cheeks drove her wild. “I think you will be pleased with the results.”

After they had finished in the cargo bay last night, they had remorsefully parted and spent the night in their individual quarters. She had missed the comfort of his touch, but she was hesitant to allow him in her quarters overnight. Not to mention, their bodies needed the time to recover. Merely three days ago, she had been ignorant to the taste of his skin and the pleasure of his touch. The short time spent rapidly exploring years of pent-up sexual tension had left them both sore and exhausted. Now fully rested, their desires were beginning to take shape once more.

He started typing a message in the command console between their chairs.

 _Can I pick you up at 1800 tonight?_

She looked over at him slyly before typing her reply.

 _Depends, what did you have in mind?_

He couldn’t resist waggling his eyebrows in her direction. She quickly brought a hand to her mouth to stifle a snicker. She typed another response.

 _Alright. What should I wear?_

_Pants._

_As opposed to?_

_No pants._

This time she was too slow tamping down her response and her laughter broke the silence on the bridge. 

“Captain?” asked Harry Kim.

“Apologies Mr. Kim, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen a report this entertaining.”

Harry and Tom exchanged glances. The Captain stood up grinning and retreated to her ready room. “Commander you have the bridge,” she said waving her hand back over her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally supposed to include their first date, however, that got way more detailed than I originally planned and I needed to split the chapters. Stay tuned, because it's definitely a moment for team fluff and smut coming up next,...


	6. You Don't Have to Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay takes Kathryn on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade) for taking my ideas and polishing them up! And thank you [Bizarra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Bizarra) for providing me the Voyager schematics I needed to add many of the technical details in this chapter. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Kathryn was still in her ready room when 1800 came around. There had been complications with the repairs, and in an unrelated incident, a significant portion of their deuterium supply had become tainted. At 1830 she was still trying to identify the most promising planet to mine ore from as the chime sounded at her door.

“Enter,” she called out in evident frustration.

The Commander came through the door and her face contorted into an apology when she suddenly remembered she was late for their date.

She stood up behind her desk and waved the PADD in her hand. “I’m so sorry Chakotay, I got distracted with ship’s business. I hope it’s not too late to start our date?” she asked eagerly, her eyes sparkling.

“I saw the reports coming in and anticipated we might need a change of plans. I think you’ll like what I came up with as an alternative,” he answered mischievously.

“I like a man who can think on his feet. Almost as much as I like a man who’s good on his back,” she taunted, as she licked her lips flirtatiously.

Chakotay gave her a sultry smile as he walked around the desk, bearing his large body over her much smaller one. “We’ll see who ends up on their back tonight…” he whispered in her ear. 

The insinuation in his deep baritone practically melted her on the spot.

Then he pulled himself upright and settled back into his normal, friendly demeanor. “But first, are you hungry? If so, you should get a quick bite now, otherwise it will be a couple of hours until we get to the dinner portion of the evening.”

She gestured to a half eaten plate of food and an empty coffee cup on her desk. “I had a late lunch. I can wait.”

“Alright then, follow me.”

He led her out the back of her ready room, past the turbolift, down the main corridor, beyond the escape pods, to the front of the deck one airlock. 

“So your plan is to toss me out into space?” joked the Captain.

“Actually, yes.” Chakotay smiled a knowing smile, his dimples forever making her weak in the knees. “Remember you were the one who signed off on the hull repairs today.”

Kathryn’s eyes narrowed in understanding. “I didn’t think I would be the one doing them.” She paused before continuing skeptically, “So you’re telling me for our very first official date you’re taking me to repair my own ship?” 

Chakotay opened the airlock entry and held out a hand indicating for her to go in first. She raised an eyebrow as she passed through the airlock threshold. Once inside, he pulled two exosuits from the wall storage lockers and handed her the smaller one. “When was the last time you walked your ship from the outside?”

She thought back fondly. “McKinley Station right before I assumed command. I inspected every meter of Voyager, inside and out.”

“Well if you don’t feel like it, we can call down to Engineering and have B’Elanna and Vorik handle all of it. Or we can take the primary hull and they can manage the secondary one,” said Chakotay, blatantly trying to bait her.

“No, no I wouldn’t want to cause them more work if you already said we’d do it,” trying to mask her excitement at the idea of standing on the Voyager hull again.

“I know how much the ship means to you and I wanted to show you that you don’t have to split your affections. You can have us both,” he grinned.

“You know me a little too well,” she said wryly, a crooked smile forming as she examined her white and red exosuit.

They slowly stripped down to their skivvies and tank tops, each of them deliberately teasing the other with each item of discarded clothing. Once in their undergarments they slid into the snug exosuits. They did a safety check on each other's seals and magnetic boot locking mechanisms, then Chakotay reached into the storage locker to retrieve their helmets.

Kathryn paused holding her helmet in front of her, “Chakotay, as much as I am looking forward to getting out there and working on my ship, we can’t exactly have a private conversation on an open communication channel.”

“You think I’d overlook a detail like that?” asked the Commander, feigning insult. “I adjusted the headsets earlier. Our comms are set to only send between the two suits unless you say the word Voyager before speaking.”

Chakotay pulled on and sealed his helmet to demonstrate. “Commander Chakotay to Lieutenant Carey.” There was no answer.

“Voyager, Commander Chakotay to Lieutenant Carey.”

“Lt Carey here, Sir.”

“Voyager, The Captain and I are ready on deck one, if Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Vorik are prepared on deck ten.”

“Yes Sir, the bridge has reduced speed to one quarter impulse and both repair teams have signaled they are a go. You are cleared to proceed.”

“Voyager, thank you Lt Carey. And don’t worry, I’m just carrying the tools, the Captain will be the one doing all the actual repairs.”

Lt Carey chuckled and signed off. Kathryn secured her helmet and moved towards the exit. She turned to Chakotay to verify their uniforms were stowed and the room was secure, before depressurizing the airlock. She released the inner physical barrier and then deactivated the outer force field. She stepped out onto the saucer section and the view immediately consumed her. She seemed so small and Voyager loomed indescribably large around her, the ship’s silvery grey curves sloping down beneath her feet. The stars appeared stationary at their slow speed and she looked around taking in the beauty of her magnificent ship amongst the vastness of space. 

Chakotay followed behind her with a repair kit in one hand. “How am I doing so far?” he asked as he came up beside her.

“I’m not sure if I find you or my ship more attractive right now,” she stated with complete honesty.

“Thankfully a starship can’t give you an orgasm or I might have some serious competition.” 

“Oh, don’t be so sure about that,” she bantered right back. 

“Really, Kathryn? What have you been doing that I don’t know about?”

She winked, then turned her attention to the business at hand. “Alright, where to first?”

“Panel 34F deck four, right this way,” the Commander said as he led her slowly across the outer hull. With each step, their boots locked and unlocked against the metallic alloy beneath them. When they arrived at the site of the first fracture he handed her the hyperspanner and she dropped down to one knee to inspect the damaged panel. Captain Janeway skillfully repaired the tritanium filaments before returning the tool to Chakotay. He put it back in his case and passed her the laser welder. She activated the welder and fused the ablative ceramic fabric back into the metal strands, creating a smooth finish on the panel.

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re sexy when you use a laser?” asked Chakotay playfully.

“Actually, yes.” she looked back up at him with a proud smile. “So you’ll have to come up with a better compliment than that.”

“Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever run out of ways to compliment you.”

Their work was punctuated with quips and flirty snippets as they identified and repaired all seven damaged panels on the primary hull. By the time they were finished Kathryn was sweating profusely in her suit, a sheen of perspiration covered her face and a stray lock of hair had escaped to linger near her left temple. Despite the concealment of her exosuit, Chakotay couldn’t help but admire her striking beauty. The colorful deck lights and the dark void of space played well against her gorgeous features.

“You ready to call it a night and go get some dinner?” he asked.

“I suppose,” she lamented. “I really could stay out here forever.” She flung her arms out and tilted her head back wistfully enjoying the infinite vastness that surrounded them. 

Since coming to Voyager, watching her had become one of Chakotay’s favorite pastimes and he tried to cement this particular observation into his memory forever. Kathryn’s flourish of unbridled freedom on the edge of the infinite was a striking picture. Eventually, she yielded to reality and brought down her arms and returned her head to face forward. She met Chakotay’s dark brown eyes and reached for his hand. They held hands as they walked back to the deck one airlock. Even through the exosuit gloves, she could feel the happiness this simple gesture brought them both.

Safely back inside, they notified Engineering of their return and twisted off their helmets. They were hot and sweaty as they proceeded to peel themselves out of the snug fitting exosuits. They stood facing opposite each other, dressed only in their grey tank tops and underwear, long lines of perspiration made their shirts stick to their chests and backs.

Chakotay couldn’t stop staring at the little beads of moisture dotting the delicate slope of her cleavage. His arousal began to stir and he felt his boxers lift in her direction. She noticed his growing need and she began to chew on her lower lip.

“So you want dessert before dinner then?” she asked suggestively, taking a few steps to bring their bodies together. She grabbed his hardening manhood, stroking him over his boxers until he had reached his full length.

“I thought we were going to keep this in our quarters from now on?” He rasped, strain evident in his voice.

“Could you make it back to our quarters in your state?” She teased as she continued to work him up. He cursed in frustration.

“Computer, seal doors and erect a level three dampening field, authorization Chakotay Delta Nine.”

“Level three dampening field?” She questioned, taunting him with her words and her touch. “Aren’t you ambitious....”

“Kathryn, we’re less than ten meters from the bridge crew. We can’t have Beta shift hear you screaming my name,” he vowed in a dark, seductive tone. He ran his hands along her sides, bringing them to a stop at her hips as they clutched at the top of her panties.

“Promises, promises,” she murmured as she stood on tip-toes to nibble the nape of his neck, tasting his sweet and salty skin. Kathryn grabbed the bottom of his tank top and he helped her pull it up over his head. Chakotay’s bronzed, muscled torso was exposed, and the heavy rise and fall of his broad chest revealed his excitement. He watched her remove her own top and unhook her bra. The site of her taut, pink nipples impelled him into action.

He pushed her up against the bulkhead, pulled down her panties, and dropped to his knees. As she stepped out of her underwear, he caught her left leg and threw it over his right shoulder pinning her tightly against the wall. He gripped her ass and aggressively buried his face in her soft, auburn curls. She gasped as his tongue indulged her sensitive clit with strong, rough strokes. He lapped and sucked furiously against her nub, pleasuring her intensely with his mouth. With each of his hungry touches her sensitive nerve bundle swelled. Kathryn clutched at the wall, searching wildly for any kind of leverage. 

Chakotay slid his left hand down to circle and tease her sopping folds as he kept his right arm pressed securely against the wall. Even with one leg already held open, she instinctively tried to spread herself wider to give him more access. She rocked forward, pressing harder into his face as he dipped two fingers inside her and began to work them in and out of her silky channel. He drove and curled his fingers in a strong rhythm, accelerating slightly with each thrust. Her chest was heaving, muscles taught, as pleasure coursed through her.

Kathryn’s legs began to quiver from the rising stimulation and she feared she would collapse on him. She brought her right hand down to steady herself, clasping desperately at his soft, black hair. He forced his mouth harder against her clit knowing she was close. He lifted her higher and higher, the pressure begging to escape from her groin. The combined assault of his mouth and fingers was too much for her to withstand.

Then he was gone, his tongue and fingers had abandoned her and her body screamed in agony for their return. Dire frustration set in as she searched for his contact, she looked down and saw him working off his underwear with one hand. Then suddenly he was back just as quickly as he had disappeared, his tongue gliding up her body as he shifted her leg down and into the crook of his arm. He met her lips at the same moment the tip of his cock found her velvety entrance. His tongue and cock breached her simultaneously, both demanding passage into her innermost treasures. Her squeal from his invasion was trapped in her throat, captured forcefully by his kiss. 

He drove her into the wall with passionate thrusts as he brought her other leg up so that both now hung in the crooks of his elbows. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him, her body eager for him to take his pleasure anyway he chose.

He broke their kiss as his hips continued to propel her back into the wall. “Trust me?” He panted heavily.

“Ohhh! Com-pletely,” she gasped between his thrusts.

He pulled her into his chest and lifted her away from the wall keeping himself sheathed inside her. He turned and walked the few steps to the airlock exit. He hit the release to remove the physical hatch and the door slid away, leaving just the shimmer of the emergency shielding. Stars dotted the boundless expanse of space through the now transparent portal.

He paused only momentarily before he fucked her roughly into the protective force field, an orange ripple dissipated outward as her back made contact with the barrier. She screamed in pleasure as the electrically charged vibration from the energy field emanated throughout her body. The stable EM field was at a low enough power setting that it would not harm her, releasing just enough energy to stimulate the nerve endings in her skin. He continued to heave into her depths, his own arousal heightened as he watched Kathryn’s naked form writhing against the backdrop of Voyager’s aft nacelles in open space.

She was moaning loudly now, making no effort to hide her enjoyment. She turned her head to the side to watch the outer hull as he continued to splay into her with his thick girth. 

“You like this don’t you?” he huffed. “Watching your ship as I... take you.” He punctuated the end of his statement with a particularly forceful thrust. She grunted at the impact and pulled him tighter against her chest. 

“Is it me or Voyager who’s going to make you come first?” He teased. 

“You. Said. I. Could. Have. Both.” she gasped in punctuated breaths.

He almost lost control at the thought. He pulled her off of his erection just long enough to turn her around to face out the exposed airlock. She gripped the sides of the doorway as he seized her hips and entered her from behind. The impact collided her chest into the force field and she shrieked as the energy surge flickered through her sensitive nipples. 

Her short stature made the angle challenging, but Chakotay was able to lift her hips enough to gain his access while still keeping her upper body pressed against the airlock exit. He drove into her lustily, the fullness of his cock combined with the view of her ship heightened her enthusiasm immeasurably. Voyager filled her vision while Chakotay filled her body. Her eyes consumed the sleek, silvery dome of the primary hull as he collided with her own lustrous curves. She traced the ship's taper as it expanded into the secondary hull, while he dragged his hands over her slight waist to the broadening of her hips. Kathryn savored the bright red glow of the Broussard collectors and the blue radiance of the warp nacelles as Chakotay reached around to stimulate her own incandescent center.

They were both completely soaked in perspiration now, skirting the edges of completion. Chakotay began to speak huskily to Kathryn, calling out Voyager's schematics in a salacious voice, as if whispering dirty secrets in her ear. “345 meters long. 133 meters tall. 15 decks.” She stared out at her beautiful ship as he continued his forceful onslaught into her pulsing, trembling core, stretching her channel deliciously.

“37 bio-neural gel packs. Maximum warp of 9.975. 630,000 kilo quads of data storage.”

Smack, smack, smack came his decisive strokes, bringing her such delectable friction that she was barely able to hold on to the doorway.

“13 phaser banks. Three photon torpedo launchers forward and aft. Two. Tricobalt devices.”

She grunted with this thrust and that thrust and every thrust, as the force felt like it might push her through the barrier and out into open space.

“Commissioned Stardate 48038.5. Commanding Officer, Captain Kathryn Janeway.”

Her name crescendoed into a thunderous yell as Chakotay ejaculated violently, slamming her completely into the force field. She screamed as the power surge met her clitoris, the energetic vibrations rippling through her core to the tips of her fingers and toes. Her orgasm came like no other, as the electric charge exuded from both inside and outside her body. Chakotay’s solid frame pressed her erotically from behind, as orange sparkles of energy created an indescribable sensation along her front. Her muscles twitched uncontrollably from it all and her insides clenched fiercely around the Commander’s cock. She had no idea how long her limbs shook and her vision blurred. She could have been there for a mere moment or a millennia and she never would have known the difference. She had become lost in a state of euphoria, bound between the man she adored and the ship she was sworn to serve. 

At some point, Chakotay slowly slid out of her body, breaking her contact with the force field, and gently easing her down to the ground. He carefully seated her sideways on his lap as he stroked her hair and spoke softly to her in his native language. Her combadge was secured too far away for the universal translator to work, still the unfamiliar words somehow made sense to her heart. She rested her head on his heaving chest, listening to the rapid beating coming from within as she gazed at the shimmering stars passing along outside.

Her dramatic release and his tender care stripped away all of her defenses, leaving her exposed and raw. She could not ever remember feeling this way about a man before and it terrified her. Her thoughts traitorously turned from the joy of the present moment to the merciless possibility of losing him someday. She nestled into him tighter, bringing her hand to rest on his heart, willing all her fears to go away as she basked in the safety of his arms. He was hers, and she was his. They had each other and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was disappointed there was no tag for Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway/Voyager, so how do you think I should tag this chapter? And I greatly appreciate all kudos and comments, fragile writer is very nervous about what people think of this chapter....


	7. Behind Closed Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain and Commander ease into a daily routine only to face an unwelcome disruption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter contains dialogue from Star Trek Voyager Season 2 Episode 26 Basics Part I which was written by Michael Piller and Lisa Klink. 
> 
> And as always, thank you to [The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade/pseuds/The_Elephant_in_the_Pride_Parade) for making this a much smoother read.

She was beginning to doze off on his chest, it was hard not to fall asleep in the comfort of his strong arms. Kathryn nuzzled in closer, breathing in the smell of sex, sweat, and sandalwood. Her lids grew heavy and she was drifting off. She snapped her eyes open. Had she fallen asleep?

“Chakotay, you have to go now,” she groaned miserably.

“Well it’s hard to leave when someone has me pinned down,” he replied in a drowsy haze. He squeezed her closer, making no attempt to extricate himself from her warm body. “Isn’t it about time you let me spend the night?”

They had been back on board Voyager for over a month now and they had fallen into a fairly happy routine. The responsibilities and dangers of the Delta Quadrant were uncharacteristically low since they had been backtracking familiar territory most of the time. During the day they would work professionally as the Captain and Commander and at night they would come together in her quarters as Kathryn and Chakotay. Occasionally they would venture a trip to the holodeck or have a friendly dinner in the mess hall, but for the most part they spent their time in the safe confines of her quarters. Then when it grew too late she would regretfully force him back to his own bed. No matter how close they grew, she refused to yield on the subject of overnight stays.

“We’ve had this talk. You know why we can’t. Anyone could query your location and see that you were in my quarters all night,” she argued unconvincingly, burrowing deeper into his arms. He wondered if she even believed her own words. 

“And we can’t mask our locations because the crew needs to be able to find us in case of an emergency,” he finished for her flatly. “Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that you’ll let me do anything and everything to your body, except sleep beside it?”

Her cheeks tinged red and her lips curled into a smirk at the thought of some of their racier exploits in bed. Kathryn had given him carte blanche to take her however he desired and he had dedicated considerable time investigating all the ways he could give her pleasure and claim his own. 

“At some point we are going to have to tell everyone. And at _least_ four people already know.”

Kathryn grew rigid at the thought of her crew knowing about this aspect of her personal life. “ _Only_ four people know. The Doctor is bound by patient confidentiality. Tuvok is unwaveringly loyal to me. Mike has the same loyalty to you. And the upside of the cargo bay incident is that Tom Paris feels too guilty to ever speak a word about us. No one else knows.”

Chakotay sat upright and pulled her up to face him. “Kathryn, I don’t want to be your secret forever.” The hurt apparent in his eyes.

She reached out a hand to cup his cheek. “You make it sound like I’m ashamed of you and you know nothing could be further from the truth.”

He pulled her hand from his jaw, clutching it to his chest, and shook his head. “I don’t like deceiving people. It feels wrong keeping this hidden, especially from my friends. I don’t lie to the people I care about.”

Kathryn released Chakotay and pulled her knees to her chest. “They are your friends, but I’m their Captain. I can’t let them see me like this. It was hard enough to let you in, I’m not ready for the rest of the crew to know this part of me. And I don’t think I can handle the inevitable judgment if everyone finds out I’m sleeping with my First Officer.”

He placed one hand on her back and rubbed comforting circles. “That’s not what it’s going to be like. People are going to be happy that we found each other. The crew would be thrilled to see their Captain in….” his voice tapered off before he could say the last word. There were other things Kathryn wasn’t ready for and he knew he couldn’t vocalize his true feelings without scaring her away. He had no reservations in his own heart and he was certain she felt the same way. She just wasn’t able to say it. Or hear it. Yet.

“It’s after midnight, we’re past the acceptable hour for late night working dinners, you should go,” she said sadly. He didn’t want to leave on a dour note, so he pulled her back into an embrace and kissed the top of her head. 

“If you don’t let me stay over, we can’t ever have morning sex,” he pleaded halfheartedly, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Well I could sneak into your quarters before you’re awake.” She traced her fingers along his chest, offering the promise of her well practiced touch.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” he insisted. “How about we at least spend more time in my quarters, so I can be the one kicking you out?”

Kathryn laughed brightly. “We can’t do this in your quarters because you wouldn’t kick me out!”

“Fair enough,” sighed Chakotay. He turned in for one more kiss, lingering in the taste of her lips and the softness of her touch. He groaned as he reluctantly slid out of her bed and on to his feet. He pulled on his boxers then came back to her for another last kiss. Disgruntled he broke their contact again. She watched as he put his uniform on piece by piece until he was fully clothed sans his jacket, which he held in his hand. He couldn’t resist returning to her bed for what really would be the final last kiss. When they parted for good this time, he found the short walk to her door to be excruciating as always, his body unsure why it couldn’t stay where it so clearly belonged.

Before he exited he called back to her. “Goodnight, Kathryn,” he said, biting back the urge to add those three crucial words. “Good night, Chakotay,” came her apologetic reply.

He stepped out into the corridor, shrugging into his jacket as her door swished shut behind him. 

“You’re getting sloppy, you’re going to get caught,” came a deep voice.

Chakotay turned and gave a weak smile to one of his oldest friends. “I’m beginning to wonder if I’m getting careless on purpose.”

Mike Ayala looked him up and down, making an assessment about the state of his former Captain. “You want to talk about it?”

Chakotay hesitated. “Yes, but I don’t think she would appreciate it if I did.”

“And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?” 

The Commander wasn’t surprised by his astute observations, Mike and he had been through more than he cared to remember. There was an easy fluidity to their way of thinking.

“Well if you can’t talk about it then do you want me to tell you what I see?” offered Mike.

Chakotay took a moment to consider this, before he could respond, the Captain’s door swished open. Kathryn stood at the threshold with her hair loose and tousled, wearing only her pink satin nightgown, the shiny fabric cascading over her ample breasts.

“Chakotay, you silly man, you forgot your rank...” she started, trailing off as she became aware of Lt Ayala’s presence.

“Yes, thank you Captain,” he replied formally, despite the obviousness of the situation. He held out his hand and she dropped the little metal bar in his palm, avoiding even the slightest of physical contact in front of Mike.

“Goodnight Commander, Lieutenant,” she said tersely before retreating back into her own domain.

“At least you don’t have problems in some areas,” joked Ayala, making it unclear if he was alluding to her appearance, their sex life, or both.

“Hey, that’s not anyway to talk about your Captain and my…” but Chakotay didn’t know how to finish his sentence. What was she exactly? His girlfriend? His lover? His everything, he thought earnestly.

The look on Mike’s face made it evident he hadn’t made the statement to tease him, only to provoke Chakotay into examining his own feelings. He shook his head and gave Mike a look of understanding when he realized he’d been expertly played. 

Mike walked with Chakotay the short distance back to the Commander’s quarters. “I better finish the security rounds,” said Mike. “Don’t be a stranger, you should come down to the mess hall more often for dinner, you’ve been missed.”

“Will do,” Chakotay replied. He suddenly realized that as he was becoming closer to Kathryn he was pulling himself further from the rest of his friends on Voyager.

Back in his quarters, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed in between his cool, clean sheets. Sleep was elusive. He pondered the source of his agitation, missing the comfort of her touch and scent. He had absolutely everything he could ask for in that woman, except the ability to share what they had in the open. She would come around in time, he only hoped that would be sooner rather than later.

* * *

Commander Chakotay was working with Ensign Warrick on a navigational realignment when Seska’s face appeared on the bridge viewscreen. His initial response to the image was anger and disgust, until the baby appeared, then his face widened in utter shock.

_Chakotay, they’re going to take your son. When Culluh saw the baby. I hear them coming. I don’t have much time. When he saw the baby wasn’t his. Please Chakotay, help us. Not for me, for your son._

Then the message went to static and the Culloh appeared onscreen. Chakotay tensed at the Kazon leader near his, his… he could hardly fathom it, his son.

_I told you to stay out of here._

Seska looked frightened.

_No, please don’t. Don’t take him! I beg you. No! Please, no!_

She was a skilled actress, a Cardassian spy, it all had to be an act. But what if it wasn’t?

_I’m taking him!_

Chakotay flinched.

_No!_

Captain Janeway remained impassive as she watched the entire message. The rest of the bridge crew was clearly affected. Knowing that Seska had stolen the Commander’s DNA was one thing, seeing an actual child come from that assault was something entirely different.

“Mr. Kim, see what you can find out about that message buoy. Are there any ion trails or other ship wakes dispersed in this area? We need to find that Kazon vessel,” commanded the stalwart Captain.

“Kathryn, no.” the Commander countered gently. “It’s too great a risk.” The bridge crew were once again thrown into a moment of surprise. No one had ever used the Captain’s given name before. Curious eyes watched to see how she would respond to this unprecedented familiarity.

“Ready room, Commander. Mr. Kim, keep working.”

Once inside her office, he voiced his objections much more forcefully. “This is not my responsibility! She has no right to expect me to…”

“She knows you, Chakotay. She knew how you’d react when you saw your son in danger.” Kathryn was animated as well.

The heated discussion went back and forth between them for some time, certain this could be a trap and yet the haunting possibility existed that this could be the truth.

Finally, Captain Janeway made it clear where she stood. “I’m not going to resume our course just yet. I want you to think about it, Chakotay. This has to be your decision. If you choose to go after him, I know I speak for the entire crew, Starfleet and Maquis alike, when I say we’ll stand behind you.”

“And you?” he asked. “How do you feel about this?”

She looked him square in the eye. “As the Captain, I have an obligation to protect my crewman who was attacked and to recover his stolen child that came about from such an egregious crime.”

“And how do _you_ feel about all this?” asked Chakotay softly, reaching out a hand to hold her arm.

She looked down as her reply came acerbic and biting. “I hate her. I hate that she would dare to take something so precious from you. I hate that she has put her hands on the same parts of you I now touch. And I hate that she knows what you look like when you reach a moment of pure ecstasy. I hate that the person who betrayed our ship ever had any hold on your heart.”

Chakotay pulled her into his chest, wrapping his strong arms around her. “Kathryn, only you know what I look like when I reach those moments, no one has ever made me feel the way you do. You hold my heart like no other has before.” And ever will again, he thought to himself.

He bent to kiss her, deeply, intimately, trying to convey the truth of his love for her. She responded with equal fervor, delving into the reassuring comfort of his mouth. When they parted, Chakotay realized what she needed more than anything.

“I think this is one of those moments of personal and professional conflict. Neither of us should make this decision. We should bring in Tuvok.”

She nodded in agreement and tapped her combadge. “Mr. Tuvok, please report to the ready room.”

She took two steps back from the Commander as she ran her hands down her front, smoothing out her uniform jacket.

Her Chief of Security entered promptly and Kathryn searched for where to begin. She stood face to face with her third in command and spoke as directly as possible. “Tuvok, the current situation requires your impartial judgment. The Commander and I cannot make a decision on how to proceed without too many personal factors blurring our choices.”

Tuvok nodded. “I suspected my view would be required after observing the message on the viewscreen. And while I cannot make this decision for you, I can provide you my assessment. The likelihood of this being a trap is high, however we should set a standard to protect and defend all our crew members. As the child was taken from the Commander without his consent, we are duty bound to retrieve him. We would not leave any member of our crew behind.”

Captain Janeway considered his counsel. “Thank you Tuvok. As so often we are of the same mind on this. Start work on shoring up our defenses and weapons capabilities. We’re going to need every tactical advantage we can get.”

“Aye, Captain,” he affirmed before he turned to exit. 

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances.

“I need you to consider something important as we move forward with this mission,” she said gravely.

“Yes, Captain?”

She folded her arms across her chest before she spoke. “I can’t allow Seska back on board this ship, she’s too dangerous, even to keep in the brig. You’ll have to make a choice. The baby can stay here with you or you can leave him with her, wherever she ends up. I don’t see any scenario where this child can have both parents.”

Chakotay rubbed his jaw. What she said made perfect sense, he just hadn’t come to that same realization yet. He knew he could never consider leaving the ship, even for a potential child, and certainly not for a life with Seska. And the Captain was right, Seska was much too large of a threat to allow her anywhere on Voyager.

What was left unsaid was how this child would alter their dynamic as a couple. A baby would significantly change everything. It was so early in their relationship, was she prepared to help him raise a child? Could he even dare ask that of her? Chakotay tried to shake off the multitude of questions running through his mind. There was already too much going on, he didn't want to add anymore confusion to her clearly troubled thoughts, they needed to concentrate solely on the dangers ahead. 

“I guess I’ll have to make that call when the time comes,” he said. 

“Alright, that’s settled. Now I need your tactical mind. Start thinking how we are going to stand a chance against multiple Kazon vessels. And let’s go see if Harry has found anything.”

She reached out and quickly squeezed her lovers hand, then led her First Officer back out to the Bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for reading, your clicks and comments make my day!


	8. Professional Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voyager attempts to retrieve Chakotay's son and the Captain and Commander must deal with the resulting aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter contains dialogue from Star Trek Voyager Season 3 Episode 1 Basics Part II which was written by Michael Piller and Lisa Klink. If you have not watched both episodes of Basics, this chapter may be more difficult to follow.

The endeavor to find Chakotay’s son had been disastrous. The Kazon had commandeered the ship and left the Voyager crew stranded on Hanon IV. If it had not been for Lt Paris and the assistance of the Talaxians, the entire crew would still be struggling to survive on that planet. Anyone observing the Captain over the past few days would have found her a determined leader, working diligently to keep her crew alive. Unbeknownst to anyone, her insides were a swirl of regret, guilt, and shame.

Kathyrn was filthy, exhausted, and missing a chunk of hair as she returned to the Voyager bridge. She met Tom Paris as she stepped out of the turbolift. She gripped his arm in gratitude, her look of appreciation trying to convey how proud she was of the young helmsman. He returned her gaze and they reached an unspoken understanding before he resumed his station.

“Mr. Kim, is this ship capable of sustained flight?” asked the Captain, staring out into the view screen. Getting underway and back to normal was all she could think about, she needed to put as much distance as possible between Voyager and her catastrophic mistake.

Her operations officer checked his monitors. “All propulsion and navigational systems are functioning within normal parameters, Captain.”

“Good. Take us away from our new home and set a course for the old one, Mr. Paris. Warp eight.” Her focus was single minded to get them back on track. 

“Heading four one, mark seven seven. Destination, Alpha Quadrant,” Tom responded.

“Engage,” called Captain Janeway before resuming her position in the command chair. Her mind immediately started the list of things that needed to be accomplished. Triage and medical examinations for the injured, meals for the famished crew, alternating repair and rest schedules, full system assessments of any Kazon modifications to the ship, the list went on and on… None of it would need to be done if she had only listened to her better judgment instead of letting her feelings run roughshod. She needed to rectify the results of her colossal error as quickly as possible.

Shortly after they resumed course, Commander Chakotay returned from sickbay. She tensed when his familiar face appeared, her body drawn instantly to him as her mind fought against that familiar pull. Since they had seen Voyager return to rescue them, the reality of the situation had been growing in her mind and she was steeling herself for the inevitable. The appropriate thing would be to wait and do what she had to do in private, to give them both some time to rest and recover, but she knew if she didn’t do it quickly she would lose her nerve. 

He looked pensive as he took his place by her side. He glanced over to his Captain, to his Kathryn, trying to assess her current train of thought. She appeared severe and determined, back in full Command mode as she met his eyes. 

“We have a lot of work to do Commander, will you join me in my ready room?” She stood and walked to her office, not even waiting for a reply. “Mr. Tuvok you have the bridge.”

The Commander rose from his chair and followed quickly, as the door slid shut behind him, he felt a sense of unease. Something wasn’t right.

“Your child?” she asked sitting at her desk and gesturing for him to sit opposite her.

He shook his head as he took his seat. “He was never mine, the Doctor confirmed the child only had Cardassian and Kazon DNA. Culloh appears to have taken _his_ son. Seska is dead.”

Captain Janeway tried to focus, she uncharacteristically clasped her hands together in front of her, holding them tightly so they would not wander as they had a tendency to do. It had all been for nought, the child wasn’t even his. All the risk, all the loss, they had been blind to Seska’s devious ploy. And this new information making what she was about to do even harder. She thought Chakotay would have an infant to focus on, a point of joy to anchor him, now he would have nothing.

“I’d like you to take the next 24 hours off,” she said, concern evident in her voice.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Kathryn, there is too much work to do repairing the ship and it’s crew. I’d rather stay busy helping us get back on our feet. I’ll work schedules and coordinate manning needs with engineering.” 

He shifted forward. “How are you doing?” He asked.

She looked down, unable to meet his eye, afraid of the tears that would come. “I’ve also got a lot of work to do now that we are back on board.” Her answer came impersonal and cool.

“How can I help?” He asked as he reached across her desk to offer her his hand. She glanced down at his open palm and turned her gaze abruptly to the viewport, foregoing his hand to cross her arms tightly.

Chakotay’s chest seized in pain as she confirmed his worst suspicions. He retracted his hand as if he had been stung. “What’s wrong Kathryn?” He asked softly, his voice riddled with trepidation.

She turned back to face him, arms still folded tightly, tears welling up in her eyes. “I warned you the ship had to come first. That I would let absolutely nothing get in the way of our mission to get home.”

His heart plummeted into his stomach as he sat transfixed to his seat. His eyes imploring her not to do this.

“I have to put Voyager first, no matter the personal cost. Three people died, we lost the ship, we nearly lost the whole crew.” Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to choke out her words. “My compromised judgment caused those deaths and it could have cost us many more.”

“Kathryn what are you talking about? You didn’t decide this on your own. Tuvok and I were both in agreement with you.” Chakotay’s hands were trembling and his heart was pounding as he tried to maintain eye contact with her, desperate to keep them connected.

“Yes, in the beginning.” She stood and walked up the steps to plant her feet firmly in front of the viewport, fleeing from the longing in Chakotay’s eyes. “I knew when we should have cut our losses. I knew when we had an opportunity to escape the Kazon. I chose to stand and fight when I knew we didn’t stand a chance. I was angry, I was spiteful, I wanted to make her pay. I failed to give the order to withdraw and look at what happened.” She was struggling to get out her words. 

He wrung his hands together trying to think. His mind was racing, he felt like a cornered animal, his only focus survival. He walked over and stood behind her at the base of the steps, his body tense and rigid.

“What could you have done differently if we weren’t together?” he asked, hoping to point out the fallacy in her reasoning. 

“When the eight Kazon vessels appeared in Cardassian formation, I knew it was all Seska’s doing. I knew Seska was still alive and I was blinded by revenge. Then I saw our opportunity to retreat, the moment our holoships scared off half the Kazon ships our exit path was clear. That was our moment to retreat and regroup. And I didn’t take it.” She still couldn’t face him, all her words spoken out to the passing stars. “We got lucky my jealousy and hatred didn’t kill us all,” she bowed her head in shame.

“Kathryn, you’re human. You’re allowed to have feelings,” he implored her as he tightly gripped the railing in front of the stairs, steadying himself before his legs could give out. 

She turned to face him now, staring down at him from the raised platform. “These feelings are too strong, too overwhelming... I can’t control myself when I’m around you. It’s not a luxury I can afford.” Even now his beautiful lips and suffering eyes were cracking her resolve. She wanted nothing more than to lean over the railing and take him in her arms, take him in her mouth, let him push aside all her doubts. No, she chastised herself. She had given too much of herself to him already. 

“What are you saying?” His voice cracked as he already knew what her answer would be.

Kathryn started to completely unravel, her body shaking with sorrow. “I… I… have to end this... no matter how heartbreaking,” she managed through her sobs. She tried to look at him, tried to at least show him some respect when she could offer him nothing else right now. “It… it.. has to end. I can’t be compromised by… by… my personal feelings.” 

His heart broke into pieces as she spoke.

“You’re not thinking clearly, you’re still in shock from everything that’s happened,” he pleaded as he clenched the railing tighter, his knuckles turning white. 

Her eyes were red and puffy, she was weeping freely as she snapped. “Dammit Chakotay, I had to activate the self-destruct! I lost control of my emotions and I lost control of the ship!” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” He countered, throwing his hands up in exasperation, his volume rising to match her own.

“This,” she waved her hand between them. “This was wrong.” 

The hurt was indescribable, he felt like she had reached a hand into his chest and crushed his beating heart. “How can you say that?” He cried out in obvious pain. He staggered up the stairs and fell at her feet, literally begging her not to do this. 

He was too close, his presence was going to break through her determination. His touch, his taste, his warmth were all within her grasp. She need only to reach out and take it... She chastised her weak self and backed away from him trembling. “You need to go now,” her voice pleading more than telling. 

He picked himself up off his knees, his whole body shaking in pain. “Don’t you want us? Don’t you want me?”

“It’s not worth wanting the things I cannot have,” she whimpered weakly. 

“Kathryn, I know you don’t mean that, I know how you feel.” He reached for her hand, needing to touch her, needing to hold her, needing to make her finally face her true feelings. 

She pulled her hand away quickly before he could make contact and pulled it up to brush her tears aside. “No,” she stated as she turned away once more, taking a moment to stamp down her emotions, crushing them back into the dark recesses of her mind. Her resolve had hardened. “I’m your Captain and you’re my First Officer, there can be nothing more.” Her voice came out ice cold, numb and emotionless.

“Kathryn, please don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.” He walked up behind her and attempted to wrap her up in his arms. She reacted swiftly and mercilessly, elbowing him in the gut and wriggling free from his touch.

“I SAID NO,” she bellowed so loudly that he was certain the whole bridge crew heard. Her words shrouded in suffering.

He hung his head, his typically powerful body wilted in defeat, she had destroyed him mind, body, and soul.

“If you lay a hand on your commanding officer again, there will be consequences,” she hissed, her sadness now transformed into animosity. 

He couldn’t contain the tears, the salty sting pouring down his face. “Put me in the brig if you want, Kathryn. I can think of no punishment worse than losing you.” 

“Dismissed, Commander,” she spat out, driving the knife deeper into both their hearts. 

He gave her one last tortured look, incredulous that she could be so callous, so quick to discard everything they had together. Then he exited into the hallway, unable to face the bridge crew in his current state.

After his retreat she collapsed on the stairs, the Captain’s armor completely shattered, she lay weeping and bawling in a pathetic mess. She hated herself for what she had done and prayed tomorrow she could wake up and this nightmare would be over, that she could be his again. But she knew deep down inside that the Captain would always be stronger than Kathryn could ever be.

* * *

Mr. Paris was sitting at the helm when the Captain’s voice shattered the silence, a loud cry of pain. 

“I SAID NO.”

He swiveled in his seat and looked at the ready room door in concern. He glanced up to Tuvok trying to convey his need to check on the situation. The blonde Lieutenant started to rise from his seat when the Vulcan shook his head from side to side, indicating that he should remain at his station. Tom sat back down and faced front again, fiddling with the helm controls, worried about whatever circumstances were developing on the other side of that door.

Half an hour passed before the Captain reappeared on the bridge. She seemed weary, yet for the most part she emerged as her typical inscrutable self. Lt Tuvok looked directly at her as she walked towards her chair. She returned his gaze with what she hoped he would recognize as an apology. He was astute enough to know what she had just done. She felt terrible for breaking her word to Tuvok, giving him no warning to prepare for the inevitable fallout of her decision. She felt like she had let everyone down these past few days.

She resumed command of the bridge and called for statuses from all the stations. While each station took turns updating the Captain, Tuvok noticed fresh security reports were starting to come in. Yelling and loud noises were being reported in the deck 3 crew quarters, all but confirming his assumptions on the Captain’s actions. He responded wordlessly through his terminal, ordering the security officers to stand down while he quickly erected a dampening field around Commander Chakotay’s quarters. 

When the reports were finished, the Captain stood up. “Everyone must be exhausted after the events of the past few days. Mr. Paris and I will remain as skeleton crew on the bridge. Everyone else please go nap, eat, shower, whatever it is you need to do most. I’ll have fresh duty rosters posted in four hours advising when everyone needs to return to their stations. You are all dismissed until then.”

The haggard crew shuffled off, Tuvok lingering the longest. He had ascertained that the Captain had chosen not to notify him of her actions because she knew he would have advised against her chosen course. “Captain, I am at your disposal if you so require.” She nodded in acknowledgement before sending him off with a gentle flick of the hand, making sure he would take time for his own recovery. The Captain and the helmsman were all that remained on the eerily quiet bridge. 

“Mr. Paris, thank you for staying. I know you’ve had quite a rough few days as well. I will get you relief whenever you require it.” Her command voice steady, only slightly softer than normal.

He swiveled around in his chair to acknowledge his Captain. He gave her a tight lipped smile. “I’m here as long as you need me,” trying to convey support for his commanding officer. He didn’t entirely know what had just happened, but due to his knowledge of the intimate nature of the Captain’s and Commander’s relationship, he had a better idea than most.

“Thank you Tom,” she said using his given name as a sign of her appreciation. 

As they sat in silence, the Captain saw a message from Chakotay appear on her terminal. Her heart did backflips, not knowing what it would say. She opened it and was disappointed to see that it was only a duty roster for the next few weeks. She skimmed it and saw that he had pragmatically assigned minimum manning to every station that could handle it, so the crew could rest more for the first few days. He had worked a good balance in engineering since they would be the most heavily relied on section as they went about repairing the damage from the Kazon. 

Then she noticed one major anomaly in the schedule. He had placed himself entirely on Gamma shift. He must be set on minimizing their contact. Her mind told her that this is what they both needed to reacclimate to their professional roles. Her heart on the other hand, her mutinous heart, was aching and missed every part of him. She failed miserably to squash down those sentiments, they refused to be defeated by her rational thoughts. She was like a leaky dam, every time she managed to plug one outburst of her feelings, another two would spring up demanding her attention.

As if to prove her point a tiny pained gasp escaped her throat. Mr. Paris turned around at the sound, trying to offer her empathy through his kind expression. Then he saw a single tear slip down her pale face, and it broke his heart. Seeing his Captain like this was beyond distressing. He decided to take a monumental risk, hoping he could leverage the good will he had recently acquired rescuing the crew.

“Captain, I may be way out of line, but I hope you don’t mind me saying…. He’s not worth your tears.”

The Captain responded with a pained smile. The hardship and exhaustion of the last few days, coupled with the emotional vulnerability from ending things with Chakotay, had worn away her usual defences. She replied with an openness that she never would have shown otherwise. “If only I could get my heart to agree with you Mr. Paris,” she grimaced, wiping away the errant tear. 

He paused for a moment, wondering how to react to such honesty. After a minute he clapped his hands to his knees and launched into a typical Tom Paris anecdote. “Did my Dad ever tell you about the time I ambushed him into officiating a Betazoid wedding in his office?” 

The Captain couldn’t help but laugh. “No, I am certain Owen never mentioned that particular story.”

“Well the thing about it was that he had a small office, so a dozen nude Betazoids was a bit of a squeeze…” And Lt Paris went on animatedly spinning his tale and entertaining the Captain. If not pulling her from her melancholy, then at least distracting her from most of the pain. Tom enjoyed this one on one time with her, getting to see her as a person like never before. He couldn’t understand how the Commander could have been so stupid to do anything to hurt this amazing woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincere apologies to team Fluff. I just couldn't picture this going any other way after Basics. I always thought the Seska/baby situation was a huge part of why she never gave in on New Earth in the first place. And team Angst, I hope you are miserably happy reveling in their suffering. But stay with me, this isn't over yet...


	9. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway and Chakotay are both hurting after the loss of their personal relationship and they struggle to reestablish their professional one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Elephant for cleaning up the crazy I put down on the keyboard!

A variety of rumors were circulating throughout the small ship, as they had a tendency to do. One train of thought was that the Captain blamed the Commander for the Kazon take over and she had banished him to the night shift as punishment. Another contingent of the crew believed the Commander was so heartbroken over the loss of his potential child that he couldn’t bear to face anyone and he was hiding, nursing his wounds. A small faction even held the notion that the baby really was the Commander's and the Captain had refused a second attempt to find the child, resulting in this giant argument. And then of course, there was the ridiculous notion that they had been having a torrid love affair that had blown up in their faces, that theory was not really believed by anyone, mostly bantered about as a joke.

The shift changeover between Gamma and Alpha became an event of much interest to the Voyager crew. The entire bridge staff nonchalantly tried to watch the exchange out of the corner or their eyes. They strained to hear the hushed conversation between the Captain and the Commander, before she would increase her volume, loudly calling for the reports and eventually dismissing Gamma shift. These encounters had yet to reveal any new details to the gossip hungry crewmen. 

He had started, what was now their routine, the very first day. He would call the bridge to attention for the Captain, then as she put them back at ease, he would sink back into his chair, leaving his arm hung over the center counsel. His hand turned slightly open, offering her a return to him, to them. 

She would say “Good Morning, Commander,” in a professional tone as she took her seat. And he would reply “Good Morning, Captain,” with all the proper respect due to her position. 

Then she would drop her voice to a whisper, always looking ahead and never into his eyes. “Are you doing okay? Are you ready to return to Alpha shift with me?” 

He would also remain facing forward as he gave his hushed reply, answering with a question of his own. “Are you ready to come back to me?” His hand always extended on the console in what would look like his normal position for any of their many observers, but for her, she knew what he was offering, what he wanted her to do. 

Her answer was the only part that varied. Sometimes “I wish I could,” sometimes “You know why I can’t,” other times she wouldn’t even reply, just barking out a call for status reports from all the bridge stations. Then she would dismiss them and he would walk away as she would wrangle with her emotions, forcing herself not to watch him leave. She was miserable, he was miserable, they both knew it. And the crew knew something was invariably broken between the two of them.

That was their only interaction, as he avoided her everywhere else on the ship, their opposite schedules making this a fairly easy feat to achieve. After several weeks, she was at the breaking point and couldn’t take this going on any longer. She needed her first officer back by her side, for the good of the ship she kept telling herself, they were stronger commanding together. The whole point was the ship had to come first. 

Since going to his quarters would be completely inappropriate now, she decided to catch him off guard one morning, reporting over an hour early for her shift. She exited the turbo lift to the bridge and was startled to hear his laughter filling the room.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” he chortled to Ensign Jenkins, the pretty, blonde sitting at the helm.

The young officer replied giggling. “You would have loved to see it, Sir. The Ferengi jumping up and down trying to get all the fake latinum hung only slightly out of their reach.” 

Kathryn hadn’t seen Chakotay this relaxed in, well, she hadn’t seen him this relaxed since before she had broken up with him. An unpleasant sensation washed over her, a wave of bitter jealousy, immediately bristling at the young Ensign for making him smile. And just as quickly, she berated herself for her childish reaction. This was exactly why they couldn’t be together. That poor Ensign was simply doing her job while making casual conversation on the bridge, and here the Captain was, choking back bile over such an innocent exchange.

Chakotay must have sensed her presence as he looked over his shoulder, catching sight of her mere moments before Ensign Ashmore also noticed the Captain and called the bridge to attention. “At ease,” she replied. “Apologies for sneaking up on you this morning. I was already awake and thought I would give the Commander an early reprieve.”

She sauntered down to her chair, gripping her metal coffee mug as her eyes fell on his ever present arm, resting on top of their shared console. More than anything she wanted to take his hand, twine her fingers in his, pull him back to her quarters, and fulfill every inappropriate fantasy she was still harbouring. He had no idea how those strong, dark fingers tormented her every morning. Remembering how they had touched and caressed her, how they had brought her to the uttermost limits of pleasure, she longed to let them roam outside and inside her body once more. 

No matter how strong her desires, she kept herself in check, she was the Captain first and foremost. And her intention had to be to get back her first officer, not her lover. She broke their routine immediately, this time looking directly at him as she took her seat, crossing her legs casually. She sipped her coffee, watching him, as she waited, letting him begin for once.

Her gaze was obviously making him uncomfortable. He started to fidget when he realized she wouldn’t break her concentration. Finally, he relented and turned to face her, the pain obvious from the moment his eyes met hers. “Yes?” he asked, unsure of her intentions.

“I think it’s time you come back to Alpha shift,” she kindly requested in a hushed tone. She dared to place a friendly hand on his shoulder, like she would have done long before they had been together. It was a poor choice as she could feel him tense, then break under her touch. The simple action had destroyed his professional resolve and she could tell by his changed demeanor that he now risked emotional collapse. Right here, right now, in front of everyone. She retracted her hand quickly, hoping to correct her misstep.

“I need my first officer back,” she implored quietly. The pained look on his face told him her errand was in vain. 

“Captain, you can order me back to day shift at any time. You are the one who approves the duty roster after all.” His muted words were plain and officious, however his dark eyes remained focused on her, hungry and wanting.

“I don’t want to make you do anything until you’re ready,” she offered gently. 

The intensity in his stare multiplied and his whispered words left no room for doubt. “I will never be ready to let you go.” 

Her eyes retreated to her lap, she was now the broken one. Her pulse racing and an ache surging through her chest.

“If there's nothing else Captain, permission to be dismissed? I would like to get some dinner and head off to bed,” came his weary words, his volume returning to it's normal level.

“Of course Commander,” she stuttered, waving him off as she fought against the turmoil churning inside. He pulled back his hand from the shared console, stood up, and walked off the bridge without a backward glance. This time she failed spectacularly at keeping her professional demeanor, her whole body turning to watch him leave, longing surged through her. She flushed red, afraid her true feelings were on display for the entire crew to see. She gulped her coffee trying to steady herself for the day ahead.

* * *

He walked into the mess hall exhausted both mentally and physically. He brushed off Neelix’s overly cheerful demeanor as he grabbed his tray. The room was packed with Alpha shift getting breakfast before they had to report to work. He was relieved to spot B’Elanna sitting alone in the only quiet corner. A friend was something he could really use about now.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked with a half-hearted smile.

“I don’t know, I don’t typically eat with strange men. I wish my friend Chakotay was here though,” she answered in jest.

“Alright I deserve that, I know I haven’t exactly been around much lately.” He pulled out the chair and settled in beside her. “What can I do to make it up to you?” he offered, half joking, half serious.

She punched him in the shoulder playfully, before twisting her mouth up into a question. “How about you start by telling me what’s really going on? Why are you exiled to the night shift?”

Chakotay pushed back his tray letting out a long breath. “I want to tell you B’Elanna, you have no idea how much I need to talk about all of this.”

She looked extremely skeptical now. “When has there ever been anything that you can’t tell me? I’m not going to judge you, smack you a little if you did something dumb, stilI I won’t judge you. Nobody blames you for what happened with Seska and the Kazon. I’m happy to listen if you want, make you cut yourself some slack." She hesitated and then continued on a more serious note. "Chakotay, you know you’re the closest thing I have to family.” 

He smiled, a real smile, the first one he had managed in quite some time. “I should have come to you sooner. I’m sorry I have been hiding out, I’m so broken right now. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. Even you.”

She took a good look at Chakotay, he really did appear to be a mess. Circles under his eyes, a pallor to his skin, and a general listlessness to his whole demeanor. She hadn’t seen him this bad since they had lost a fellow Maquis member while fighting their way out of a Cardassian stronghold. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it like we always do.” She wrapped him up in a hug. His whole body relaxed, not realizing how much he had needed a friend. He leaned into her, bringing his arms around her back, willing himself not to cry. Afraid for the second time today that he was about to very publicly break.

A chipper Tom Paris entered the mess hall, whistling a tune and grabbing a piece of fruit from the counter. His good mood was instantly shattered by the sight of the two people wrapped around each other in the corner. Unbelievable, he thought in disgust, as he stormed over to the sight of his agitation.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded, startling B’Elanna and Chakotay out of their friendly embrace. 

“Tom?” asked B’Elanna in confusion, Chakotay sat beside her equally unsure what this was all about.

“How could you do this to her?” he accused angrily at the Commander. “How could she not be enough? How could you just use her and move on to the next woman?”

Chakotay stood up, his mood switching abruptly to indignation, the pain in his eyes condensing into a pointed fury. “You have no idea what you’re talking about Lieutenant. And you’re way out of line!” 

B’Elanna looked back and forth between the two of them completely lost. The mess hall was loud and busy enough that no one else seemed to notice the tense moment unfolding.

“No you’re the one who is out of line!” Spat back Tom, stepping up to get right into the Commander’s face. 

“Stand down Lieutenant,” warned the Commander, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides.

Paris made no indication he was willing to back off from this confrontation. “First Seska, then Janeway, now you move on to B’Elanna. Screwing the Captain wasn’t even good enough for you?” he growled.

B’Elanna sat utterly shocked at Tom’s words as she searched Chakotay’s face for confirmation. His expression told her everything, what Tom said was true, he _had_ been with Captain Janeway. His odd behavior since returning from that planet started to make sense now. The puzzle pieces began falling into place in B’Elanna’s mind.

“Mr. Paris, this is your last warning. Back off now. That’s an order.” Chakotay’s voice came out angry and loud, his control tenuous. The room became hushed, as everyone in the mess hall suddenly became aware of the fight simmering in their midst.

Tom turned as if he was going to walk away, let the whole thing die, maybe accept that he had made his point. Then he thought about everything the crew had risked, everything that they had lost going after the Commander’s ex. After all this crew had done for him, he had the nerve to keep plowing through women, oblivious to the damage in his wake. He made a typical Tom Paris rash decision. He spun on his heels and yelled “How many people need to die because you can’t keep it in your pants?” as he roughly shoved two hands into Chakotay's chest.

Chakotay staggered backward, having been caught off guard, but the lapse was only momentary. He came back swinging and landed a powerful right hook on Tom’s chin. The younger man fell backward into the table behind him, the taste of blood filling his mouth.

“I said stand down Lieutenant,” roared the Commander, his legs opened up to shoulder width, his fists raised in defense, he assumed his standard boxer’s stance. 

Tom gathered himself up to standing, wiping the trickle of blood from his mouth. “You may have rank on me and I’m sure you’re a hell of a lot better fighter than me, but we both know you deserve to get your ass kicked for what you did to her.” And he ran forward tackling Chakotay, as their bodies collided the Commander loosed his fists into Tom’s sides, landing blow after blow into his abdomen. They crashed backward on to one of the couches, the impact failing to halt their battle.

Neelix tapped his combadge frantically. “Security to the mess hall! Security to the mess hall!” Everyone was watching simultaneously rapt and afraid, unsure if they should intervene.

The Commander was stronger and better trained, however Tom took advantage of landing on top. He struck several strong blows to Chakotay’s nose. His advantage was short-lived as Chakotay rolled them off of the couch and Tom's back hit the floor, knocking the wind out of him. Chakotay had him pinned. Having reclaimed the high ground, he pummelled his opponent with several rapid fire punches. 

“Stop it!” yelled B’Elanna. “The both of you, stop it right now!” She came up behind Chakotay and tried to pull him off. Despite her considerable strength, she couldn’t get him off of the now immobilized Lieutenant. Her presence must have triggered something in Chakotay though, because he ceased his assault, his fists falling loosely to the ground. Both men were breathing heavily, and Tom’s face was swelling, dark purple bruises around his left eye and his split lip. 

It might have ended then and there, except the impertinent helmsman couldn’t resist getting in one more snide remark. “You forget, I had her first.”

The Commander was befuddled by this statement before Tom laughed out, “Amphibian babies!”

Chakotay’s eyes widened in rage and he renewed his attack. The helmsman was severely disadvantaged as he attempted to mount any offense of his own. A flurry of fists were flying when Tuvok and Ayala pulled the Commander up and off the now severely beaten man. Ashmore and B’Elanna leaned down, helping up the bludgeoned Lieutenant Paris. Chakotay was still struggling against the security officers, only regaining his self control when he heard her voice crack through the air.

“What in the hell is going on in here?” Came her commanding alto. The Captain looked mad enough to fire them both out of torpedo tubes. “Can someone explain to me why two of my senior staff are having a brawl in the middle of the mess hall?”

Her voice brought the room to dead silence. Most of the crew staring in disbelief at what they had witnessed, not entirely sure of what exactly had transpired right before them. Chakotay met her eye, but he didn’t dare to speak. Tom was barely in any condition to stand, let alone talk. 

“Well, is somebody going to answer me? What is this all about? Why were they fighting?” she demanded once more, her hands on her hips, a fierce glare on her face.

B’Elanna released her support of Tom and slowly approached the Captain until they were face to face. Then the half-Klingon spoke softly, with more than a hint of accusation in her words. 

“You. This is all because of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing my first ever fight scene. I typically prefer to focus on the other kind of f'ing... Thanks again for everyone who takes the time to read and comment, it really does brighten my day to know somebody out there enjoys my weird, little fictional world!


	10. Backslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain must figure out how to deal with Paris and Chakotay following their fight in the mess hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Please note I updated the tags and this chapter contains rough and aggressive sex. Everything is consensual, but if you don't like that sort of thing, consider yourself warned. 
> 
> Every time I think I have written the filthiest sex scene ever I seem to decide to take it further, so enjoy, what is currently the dirtiest thing I have every written. Also this is the longest chapter I have every written, coincidence? Probably not...
> 
> And thanks again to Elephant in the Pride Parade for making sure the kink is only in the bedroom and not in my sentences!

_“You. This is all because of you.”_

“Thank you B’Elanna. That will be all,” stonewalled the Captain, sidestepping the allegation in her Engineer’s eyes as she called out her orders. “Lt Tuvok and Lt Ayala, escort the Commander to his quarters where you will keep him confined until we clear up this situation. Ensign Ashmore, take Lt Paris to sickbay, I’ll deal with him there.” She didn’t give Chakotay a second glance as she exited the mess hall.

The three officers walked in silence to sickbay, when they entered the Doctor launched into a tirade at the site of Mr. Paris’ bruised and swollen face. “What is it with fighting on this ship?” he exclaimed dramatically. “You would think that there were no other holodeck programs!”

“Can we skip the lecture? Just patch him up,” stated the Captain as she motioned for Mr. Paris to get up on the biobed. “Ensign Ashmore you’re free to go. I can handle this from here.” The Ensign acknowledged her order and departed.

While continuing the grumble, the Doctor grabbed his tools and scanned the Lieutenant. “Nasal fracture, cerebral and periorbital hematomas, multiple lacerations... I can only imagine the choices that led to this smorgasbord of injuries. At least Commander Chakotay had the good sense to block once in a while.”

“How did you know the Commander was involved?” asked the Captain incredulously. 

“I assumed since Commander Chakotay has been to see me with boxing injuries nearly every day for the past two weeks that he had invited Lt Paris to join him on the holodeck for his pugilistic endeavors.” 

Guilt washed through Captain Janeway as she pictured Chakotay working through his pain at the end of an opponent’s fist. She tugged uncomfortably at her collar as the Doctor set about healing Tom’s nose.

She looked up at the now more alert Lieutenant. “Mr. Paris, do you want to tell me how this all started?” her tone withholding judgment, it was hard to be angry anymore if she was indeed the catalyst for this fight. 

Tom stared at the floor before the Doctor shifted his head back up to access the bruises under his eyes. “I’m sorry Captain. I know I shouldn’t have started this. I just got so angry when I saw them together.” Tom glanced nervously at the Doctor, unsure if he should continue with the EMH present.

“Go ahead Mr. Paris, the Doctor understands confidentiality,” she shot the hologram a look to make sure he knew what she meant.

“Yes, whatever is said in the confines of sickbay will remain within these walls,” promised the Doctor as he pantomimed zipping his mouth shut.

Tom continued repentantly, rubbing his hands together as a distraction. “When I saw B’Elanna and Chakotay, holding each other in the corner of the mess hall. I got so angry, I didn’t understand how he could do that to you. And I didn’t want to see him hurt her the same way.”

Captain Janeway’s eyes flashed open, realizing what Tom had got wrong.

The Doctor couldn’t resist adding his two cents. “Well, who needs holonovels when we have this much drama right here on the ship?”

A death glare emitted from the Captain, “If you continue to opine on this topic Doctor I will decompile your program and reboot a shiny, new EMH. One with less of an interest in the crew’s personal life.”

“Yes Captain,” he croaked as he finished with Mr. Paris’ injuries. “I will be in my office if you need anything else,” said the Doctor as he quickly retreated.

Captain Janeway leaned sideways against the biobed facing Tom. “While I certainly appreciate your chivalrous intentions, you weren’t exactly in possession of all the facts.” She let out a breath, and placed a friendly hand on his forearm, as she looked him in the eye. “The Commander did not break up with me, I was the one who ended it. B’Elanna is like a sister to him, not a romantic partner. I’m certain he was seeking her out as a friend, after the way I treated him, I know he could use someone to lean on,” her confession spilled out tentatively.

Tom screwed up his mouth as he considered this new information. “So you’re telling me I got my ass kicked for nothing?” he teased with his usual playful smile.

She smiled back, patting his arm. “Well I for one was impressed by your willingness to defend your Captain’s honor, no matter how misguided.”

“Sounds like what my Dad always used to say about me, that I’m all thrust and no vector,” grinned Tom. 

They both fell silent, unsure where to go from here. The Captain lingered, afraid to end this discussion, trying to avoid her inevitable next conversation. Lt Paris sat patiently waiting to see if she was finished with him.

Finally, Tom ventured to ask. “So... why did you break up with the big guy?” 

“Lieutenant…” she warned.

“Sorry Captain, I know, I know, I’ll mind my own business,” he apologized. And they fell silent again. She knew she couldn’t put off seeing Chakotay any longer, so she straightened her posture and mentally prepared herself to see him.

“Stay here until I send the Commander and the two of you can bury the hatchet. Once you’ve put this behind you, you’re both free to go,” she ordered gently before walking to the door. She turned before exiting and flashed him one more lopsided smile. “And don’t forget to keep your hands up in the future,” teased the Captain raising her fists in jest. Tom laughed and waved her off.

* * *

She acknowledged Tuvok and Ayala with only a slight tilt of her head, as she walked up to the Commander’s quarters where they stood guard. She didn’t particularly want either of their opinions right now as she punched in her command override. She found the Commander sitting calmly at his table drinking a cup of tea. If it wasn’t for his bloody knuckles and slightly blackening eye, you would have no idea what had just transpired. She was incredibly irritated by his apparent calm, and was torn between ripping into her First Officer for fighting or apologizing to Chakotay for bearing the brunt of Tom’s misplaced anger.

He stood up when she entered, positioning himself at parade rest, also unsure how to proceed. Was this discussion to be personal or professional? He watched and waited for her to take the lead. Her posture was that of a commanding military officer, but the way she kept subtly pressing her lips together hinted at her private struggle. 

“I’m sure by now you figured out that Tom started the fight in a misguided attempt to defend my honor.” She paused. “He thought you had treated me badly and had broken my heart.” Her voice lingered in the grey area, somewhere between the Captain and Kathryn.

Chakotay shook his head in disbelief and replied. “Well, how’s that for irony?”

“Incidents like this are exactly why we never should have been together. The entire ship was disrupted because of our relationship. I know these past few weeks have been hard on you. They’ve been hard on me too,” she offered. She realized her mind was drifting, she couldn’t focus on what the Captain was supposed to be doing, Kathryn was simply enjoying a moment to linger in his presence.

“And whose choice was that?” he asked. Not with anger or sadness, merely pointing it out as a matter of fact.

“Chakotay, you need to make amends with Lt Paris and you need to come back to your regular schedule. We have to get back to how we were before,” she stated solidly, trying to regain her purpose. He took several steps to be closer to her, bringing her within arms reach before responding. 

“No.”

She was immediately taken aback by his blatant defiance. He had never refused her anything. Sure they had disagreements and he frequently argued his point of view, still he had never fully rebuffed her like this.

“You can order me to work whenever you want, and I’ll behave professionally with anyone on this ship, but you can’t make me go back to before. I can’t do it.” He stood firm in his position.

“What is it going to take to fix this? What do you want?” she stated in exasperation.

“You,” he said before stepping forward and kissing her, his hand coming around her back to press their bodies together.

She started to struggle, pushing against his chest momentarily before she lost her internal battle, her doubts vanishing in his touch. She wanted him too much to resist. All thoughts of duty and protocol were dislodged by the sweet warmth of his mouth. She threw herself into the kiss, basking in their reunion, her hands slid up to grasp at the muscles in his shoulders and back. The escalation was immediate, both of them kicked off their boots and pawed off each other’s clothing as quickly as possible. They had to remove all barriers between them, a frantic need to be joined was overcoming all else.

The bedroom seemed excruciatingly far, so Kathryn pushed Chakotay to the floor and fervently mounted him. She touched and caressed him everywhere, reveling in the allure of his smooth, copper skin. She couldn’t wait any longer and rapidly aligned herself with his hard cock, sinking down to feel him inside her once more. A euphoric sigh escaped her mouth as he slid into the hilt, his shaft filling her to perfection. 

She leaned forward and intertwined her fingers in his, pressing his hands back into the ground. Then she began to move, rocking and riding him, letting the pleasure course through her body. The look on his face was one of pure joy and she smiled back down at him, dragging her hips, enticing him further with every movement.

“Kathryn, I missed you so much!” he huffed through the heavenly feelings, emanating love and happiness with every word. “I know we can make this work. Whatever it takes, I won’t fail you this time. I won’t let you fail yourself.” 

His words broke the intoxication of the moment and she froze, sobering from the drunken haze of lust, she was suddenly aware of her inexcusable transgression. The smile faded and the light extinguished from her eyes. “Chakotay, we still can’t be together. I still have to be the Captain above all else.” The pure bliss she had seen in his eyes shattered, a fierce shadow spread across his face, darker than the swirling lines of his tattoo. 

His words came bitter and teeming with anger. “Only Captain Kathryn Janeway would have the sheer audacity to tell me we can’t be together while she’s filled to her fucking cervix with my dick.” And to emphasize his point, he bucked up into her, forcing a small whimper from her lips.

“Chakotay, I’m sorry I sh-”

Before she could finish, he rolled them over, slamming her back into the floor. His grip tightened on her hands, pinning them securely above her head, as he began to thrust violently into her body. “You think... you can spread your legs... climb on my cock, and then have the - ugh! Gall to tell me you don’t want this?” 

She gasped loudly and her wetness flowed, the throbbing in her sex was undeniable as he took her body with extreme vigor. His touch, his words, all escalated what should have been a forbidden passion. He increased his speed and force, the stormy look on his face matching the roughness of his strokes. He sucked on her breasts and nipples before clamping his teeth down in a hard bite, eliciting a shocked squeal from her mouth.

Malevolence pervaded Chakotay’s deep voice as he laid out the challenge. “You remember... our safe word?”

Kathryn moaned. “I’ll never - ahh! Never use it,” He continued to collide into her hot, aching core.

His eyes burned into her, a tempest raging behind his dark gaze, as he issued an ominous warning. “You might today.” 

She had always been the one who enjoyed rough play in the bedroom, Chakotay only acquiescing to please her preferences. And even then, he maintained an element of care and concern, never letting it get out of hand. Now he was different, she had pushed him too far, taking advantage of his feelings for her own physical needs had caused him to snap. His inhibitions were stripped away and it both excited and frightened Kathryn to know he had lost all his restraint. 

“If you can’t speak, don’t forget to tap my thigh,” he cautioned, obscene lust dripping from every word, as he slid out of her and crawled higher up her body. He knelt on either side of her ribs, hovering over her as he released her hands. He shoved his thumb crudely into her mouth, tracing the feel of her cheeks and tongue, then he pried her jaw downward. “Open up.” 

She obeyed without objection as he contemptuously stuffed his hard, slick cock into her mouth, making her taste her own unmistakable desire. He leaned forward, propping himself up on his elbows, then he began to pump forcefully into her mouth, ramming himself down into the back of her throat. He had her securely trapped, his dick pressing past the point of her comfort, his balls slapped into her chin, and the coarse bristle of his hair rubbed on her nose. The hard floor provided no leeway, she had nowhere to go as he claimed her mouth. He had never done anything this degrading to her before, and she realized she had never been more aroused; his absolute dominance was causing every nerve ending to resonate with insatiable need. Her groin was on fire, and her nipples taut as she basked in this abject humiliation.

“When we leave this room I know you’ll be the Captain again and I’ll follow your orders. Until then…. until then you’re mine… and you’ll do as I say,” he commanded through ragged breaths.

His words triggered a fresh downpour between her legs. She tried to respond to his movements, sucking and licking him best she could, all while gagging on his considerable size. She was barely able to breath as he continued to face-fuck her with a thoughtless urgency. Kathryn in turn snaked her arm up between his legs to test his authority. She ran her finger along his balls, over his perineum, and into the pucker of his asshole. Without any preparation she shoved her index finger inside. Chakotay swore, caught off guard, he seized uncontrollably into her face, cutting off her airway. She didn’t panic though and proceeded to press her finger in more securely, massaging his prostate until he let out a groan. The stimulation caused him to shift his motions into a circular swirl inside her mouth, the change allowing her to regain the flow of oxygen to her lungs.

He pulled himself back up onto his knees, freeing Kathryn from his member as she released her hand from his ass. She gulped for air as sticky lines of saliva dangled from her mouth. “Nice try, but you’re not getting me to cum that easily Kathryn. As much as I enjoy spilling all over your pretty little lips... We’re just getting started.” He stood up, maintaining a commanding stance above her, leaving no doubt he was still very much in charge. He reached down and roughly pulled her up to meet him, taking an exhausted kiss from her thoroughly violated mouth. Kathryn swayed on her feet, slightly dizzy from lack of air.

She was still unsteady as he picked her up and threw her over his right shoulder. His right hand curled up around her ass cheek, his fingers teasing between her legs as he carried her over to the replicator. 

“Put me... down you... _kasvak_!” she demanded, flailing her arms and legs in protest. 

He chuckled and merely tightened his grip. “As sexy as it is when you swear in Bajoran, you know there is only one word that will make me stop.” She continued to struggle, refusing to take the out he had offered. 

He retrieved an item from the replicator, then carried her into his bedroom, tossing her unceremoniously on to his sheets. She landed on her side with a disorienting thump. He moved like a predator, giving her no time to adjust before he was on top of her, pushing her face down into the mattress. He slid back behind her after she was appropriately subdued. Then he pulled her hips and legs up into the air, bringing his tongue to meet her velvety folds. 

Chakotay licked and lapped at her juicy flesh while his fingers explored the layers of her sex. She began to moan in appreciation of his uniquely talented tongue. As his mouth tantalized her wet core, his fingers traced between her inner and outer folds before moving on to her aching clit. He rubbed it with an aggressive motion, causing her to let loose a small, titillating cry.

As he stimulated the focal point of her nerves, his mouth explored higher, his tongue gliding up to her taut, pink rosebud. He licked around the sensitive flesh of her ass sending quivers throughout her body. Then his tongue trailed back down to her vagina where he placed an aggressive bite on her inner folds. Kathryn let out a high pitched scream at the unexpected pain. Chakotay wanted to make it clear that he alone controlled her and he alone would decide whether she experienced torment or ecstasy. 

Pulling his head up, he pressed his hips forward against her backside, letting her feel the swell of his erection. The hourglass curve of her body was a glorious sight, with her head down and her hips presented high for his taking. He shocked her again with a slap to her ass, another sharp cry escaped her lips, as his palm left a pink imprint on her creamy skin.

She started to speak, just not the word to make him stop. “Computer seal doors an-“

His left hand clamped down over her mouth and he leaned down to lick up the crease of her spine. “No locks, no dampening fields, if you don’t want Tuvok and Ayala to know what’s happening in here, then you better keep your gorgeous mouth shut.”

His hand came down in another smack. Then another. And another. With each strike he could feel her cries reverberate into the hand gripping her mouth. He released his hold around her jaw, as he paused to gently rub her reddening mound of flesh. He continued to stroke her affectionately as he leaned over to kiss the tender marks on her cheek.

“Kathryn, you have been very rough with my heart, so I’m going to be very rough with your body. Tell me dear, which hole do you want me to start with?”

“This one?” he asked as he shoved three fingers into her drenched channel. Pushing in and out, he flicked around the sensitive nerves of her passage, causing low moaning noises to escape from her mouth.

“Or this one?” he asked, extracting his hand from below and coaxing two of his damp fingers into her clenched ass. She gasped at the intrusion as he began to spread and stretch her tighter hole. 

With his free hand he pulled her back by her french twist until she could meet his eyes. “Well Captain, what will it be? Where do you want my dick?” Wild anticipation flowed through her body, her face flushed pink, and a feral longing glazed over her deep blue eyes. By god, she wanted him to take her, thoroughly and unconditionally, possess her in every way possible. 

“My ass, I want you to fuck me in the ass.” 

A wicked smile spread across his face. “I figured that was what you wanted, which is why I came prepared.” He grabbed the bottle of lube he had replicated and poured the clear, viscous liquid over her trembling hole, his fingers working it into her body. Her reaction came as a series of “mmms” and “aahs” of appreciation. He coated more of the liquid up and down his strained cock, the veins bulging out of his large rod. 

Chakotay removed his fingers and pressed his spongy tip to her entrance. “You only have to say the word when you want me to stop,” came his taunting reminder. Then he placed his large hands along her small hips and pushed through her taut opening. She squealed as her anus stretched, straining to accommodate his ample size. He pushed his way in little by little, ignoring her slight whimpers of discomfort, until he was bottomed out inside her. Her heart was racing and mouth was panting as her body struggled to accept his thick cock.

Kathryn had almost adjusted to the intrusion when he began to move. He pulled all the way out and surged back inside her, causing tears to well up in her eyes. Then he did it again, and again. He expanded her further than she thought possible as she feared her body might fall apart from his penetration. The feeling his dick created was both harrowing and exquisite, each impact bringing forth a grunt from her lips. 

As he fell into a rhythm, she rose up attempting to arch her back, but he quickly brought a hand between her shoulder blades, shoving her face back into the bed. He had never been much for power play, until now, now the fury coursing through him demanded her face down, subjugated to his own needs. She had shown no consideration to his feelings, trodden carelessly over his emotions, and now he felt compelled to demonstrate that callousness on her body. 

He thrust into her with continued indignation, entering her as an act of defiance and ownership. She bit her lip hard and burrowed her face into the sheets, trying to keep her cries from leaving the room. Despite her words indicating otherwise, she was his. Her body was his alone to claim, his to pleasure, his to use however he saw fit. Her muffled moans and gasps of delight betrayed the truth she refused to acknowledge. He would make her understand with her body what she refused to accept in her mind. 

Chakotay slid out of her thoroughly pounded ass and slammed into her pussy. The switch had her feeling exposed and invaded at the same time, as he forcefully thrusted into her other opening. He brought back his right hand and smacked her cheek again. She gritted her teeth, desperately trying not to vocalize her state of sublime agony. He reached around and pinched her clit harshly, overcoming her tenuous restraint as a piercing shriek came forth. 

“Oh my Captain, what will the Lieutenants outside think?” Came his tormenting words. His hand started to expertly rub her clit, reversing from doling out pain to offering her the sweet delights he knew she craved. The beautiful heat built between her legs, his skilled fingers creating the perfect friction... but as she came to the precipice, he stopped short, denying her release. 

Kathryn whined, begging for his hand to continue. Instead he grabbed her hips as he retreated from her pussy and hammered back into her ass. She cried out sharply as he pumped her aggressively once more, before returning again to her lower channel. Then he began to switch between her two holes, working in an erratic rhythm, giving her no time to adjust or anticipate where she would feel him next.

Eventually he settled back into her ass as he pulled her knees out forcing her flat on the bed. His larger body completely enveloped her, pressing his chest to her back, as he continued to pound and grind into her supple cheeks. At the same time, he kissed softly along the back of her neck, his mouth gently appreciating her sensuous skin. His sweet efforts in stark contrast to the brutal assault from his cock. 

Chakotay savored her form, spread prone and conquered beneath him, his large body extended over her much smaller one in total supremacy. He had her, she was unconditionally his, and he didn’t want to finish, knowing that after he did, she would be back in control once more. But his body demanded a satisfaction his mind could not deny. 

He lifted his torso up off her as he crassly yanked her wrists behind her back. The animal urges got the best of him as he pulled harshly on her arms with every slam into her body. His fierce haul on her wrists forced her upper body to arch up off the mattress and her pelvis to press even harder into the bed. The friction from the fabric, rough against her nub, sent her spiraling towards completion.

He continued to tug back on her arms as he fucked relentlessly into her ass. Finally, the assault from behind and the friction on her clit ignited her climax. Her eyes glazed over as a wet flood gushed from between her shaking thighs. She screamed out Chakotay’s name, the three syllables she could always depend on during her euphoric collapse.

Pleased to watch her crumble in satisfaction, Chakotay sought his own release, straining into her tight orifice with even greater speed and ferocity. His carnal needs had overridden all conscious thought, all he knew, all he felt, all he wanted was the delicious sensation of her taut grip. He bellowed her name as his hot, sticky seed shot deep inside her. His orgasm overwhelmed him as he wrenched her arms back with his full strength. The move sent a lightning bolt of pain up through her shoulder and she too let out a fierce cry. Unleashing the only word that could bring him out of his sex fueled drive and back to reality. 

Her safe word resounded throughout the room as he released her wrists in panic. _Mark._ For what could be more sobering than hearing the woman you love cry out another man’s name? That sole utterance ripped Chakotay apart, his blind rage quickly replaced by guilt and fear. He slid his spent penis from her body, positioning himself alongside her, as he gently rolled her to face him. He tried to assess the extent of the damage as he massaged her shoulders in cautious apology

“Kathryn, are you okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you… I swear, I just got carried away...” His eyes pleaded with her, begging for atonement.

The look on her face was empty and hollow, for once he couldn’t read her emotions. He had no idea what she was thinking or feeling. Finally she spoke, only it was she who felt the need to apologize, shame slowly becoming apparent in her face. “I’m sorry Chakotay. I didn’t mean to hurt you all over again. I never should have let this get started.”

“Kathryn, never apologize for the things we share,” said Chakotay, pulling her in for a caring embrace. He kissed her forehead as he felt her bristle against him.

“No, no, no we shouldn’t have done this and we can’t keep doing this,” she said resolutely. She wrestled out from his arms and off the bed. “I need to get dressed and get back to work. There is a class 17 nebula I should be dealing with instead of this.” He lay speechless and stricken that she could continue to compartment her feelings away. 

He watched mournfully as she stepped into his fresher for a rapid sonic shower. When finished, she fixed her hair and then went to retrieve her uniform, her clothing strewn about the front of his quarters. Her coldness reignited some of his fire from before and he followed her into the living area, hell bent on confronting her.

“So that’s it, you can just do these things with me and walk away like none of it happened?” he asked in aggravation.

She pulled on her panties and slipped into her bra before responding. As if this small covering of fabric would somehow make them any less familiar. “You need to get dressed and get to sickbay,” she said, her tone burgeoning into an order.

He exploded. “Dammit Kathryn, you let me treat you like a Rigellian whore! But having feelings for you? Caring about you? Loving you? That’s where you draw the line?!?!”

Her eyes widened at the end, knowing what he had plainly professed. She couldn’t handle this anymore and tugged on her pants and shirt, desperate to be away from his accusations and back in uniform, back into the safe resolve of the Captain.

“You’re going to walk away after all this and leave me with nothing?” 

She picked up his boxers and threw them at him as she finished tugging on her socks and boots. As she stood, she put on her jacket and pulled up the zipper, entirely clothed now, her voice came out commanding. “Get dressed, get to sickbay, and make amends with Mr. Paris. And fix the schedule, tomorrow morning you report back to Alpha shift.” 

He stood naked and seething, staring back at her in full uniform. 

“Fine go be the Captain. Go sit back on the bridge, be the picture perfect image of a commanding officer. But for the rest of your shift it will be your First Officer’s cum leaking out of your ass and into your Starfleet issue panties.” 

She fought the urge to slap him. He had said it to provoke her, he wanted her to react, make her respond emotionally instead of rationally. She steeled her outrage beneath her Captain’s mask. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Commander,” she stated as neutrally as possible. Then she paused, trying to brace herself before facing her crewmen standing sentry at the door.

He spoke softly, as if reading her mind. “You don’t have to worry, they didn’t hear anything. I activated the dampening field before you even arrived. I know how much you need to keep what happens between us private...”

A wash of relief flowed through her, though she refused to offer him this or any of her other emotions as she exited, stoic composure in her face and military precision in her step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! We’re getting close now I’m thinking about 3-4 more chapters...


	11. Hard Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway and Chakotay struggle after the heated events in his quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my favorite pachyderm enthusiast, The Elephant in the Pride Parade, for all her wonderful beta.

Captain Janeway entered the corridor with her usual confident poise to find Lt Tuvok and Lt Ayala still standing guard at the Commander’s door. She turned first to her left, “Lt Ayala, escort the Commander to sickbay. See that the Doctor treats him and that he makes up with Mr. Paris. Once they have worked out their differences, they are free to go.” Then she turned to her right, “Lt Tuvok, we shall return to the bridge.” 

“Aye, Captain,” both men acknowledged.

Janeway took off down the corridor at a rapid pace with Tuvok on her flank. Even with the dampening field, she was certain he knew what had transpired in Commander Chakotay’s quarters. The quick sonic shower could not possibly have removed all traces of her total lapse in judgment. And as if on cue, Tuvok spoke.

“Captain, am I correct to infer that you and Commander Chakotay have... reconciled?”

She answered with a tight faced grimace. “No, no we have not.” She had never seen Tuvok raise his eyebrow higher, obviously wondering why she would be covered in the man’s scent if they were not together.

She stopped and turned to her friend, “Is there something more you would like to add?” Her ire was apparent.

“Captain, you know my thoughts on this matter and you have opted for a different course of action.” His disturbingly calm statement was most definitely the Vulcan equivalent of an “I told you so.”

She rolled her eyes in irritation as they entered the turbo lift and made their way back to the bridge. It was going to be a long day. At least she had the hope of harvesting energy resources from the nearby nebula to keep her busy.

* * *

Lt Ayala chimed the Commander’s door three times before he heard the call to enter. He didn’t see anyone when he came into the living quarters. Eventually Chakotay yelled from the bathroom, “I’ll be right there.” He came out toweling off his wet hair, clothed only in a tank and boxers. 

“Give me a minute to get dressed Mike, then you can take me to see the Doc and Paris,” the Commander said nonchalantly as he walked past the other man in an attempt to locate his pants.

Mike Ayala prided himself on his ability to read people, quietly assessing their motivations and intents. So when he saw the Captain enter obviously agitated, and then had seen her leave in a similarly vexed state, he had expected to find Chakotay licking his wounds after having received an extremely serious reprimand. That was _obviously_ not what had taken place. 

He looked around Chakotay’s quarters and took stock of what he had stumbled upon. The door to the bedroom was open, and he could clearly see a large wet spot in the middle of the tousled sheets, along with an uncapped bottle of lube lying at the foot of the bed. The Commander’s clothes were tossed all over the living area and a musky odor hung in the air. All that coupled with Chakotay’s exit from the shower left no doubt about what had taken place here. Mike couldn’t resist giving his friend some grief over the absurdity of the situation.

“If the rest of the crew knew how the Captain punished you for fighting, we’d have brawls on every deck.”

Chakotay would normally object to this kind of joke about Kathryn, but he was still pissed as hell and feeling emasculated by her repeated rejections. So instead he smiled sheepishly while he retrieved the grey turtleneck that was hanging over his desk lamp.

Promptly back in uniform, the two men made the short journey to sickbay. When they arrived, Tom Paris was being berated by the Doctor as he appeared to be helping with inventory. “Mr. Paris, what are the osteogenic stimulators doing with the detronal scanners? What sort of second rate operation do you think I’m running here?”

“Take it easy Doc, you were the one who wanted my help,” argued Tom with more than a hint of annoyance.

They both turned at the sound of the sickbay doors opening, watching Ayala and Chakotay enter. Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Paris eyed each other skeptically, trying to gauge where the other man stood.

The Doctor spoke first, perturbed as usual. “Well it’s good to see the other half of the scuffling duo has finally arrived. Not like I don’t have other things to do besides waiting around to fix your poor choices.”

The Commander shot him a look, his patience already worn thin by Kathryn’s rebuttal. “Computer deactivate EMH,” he called out. 

Tom’s shoulders relaxed and he smirked slightly, as the hologram dissipated mid complaint. “Thanks,” he offered as an opening to Chakotay.

“Don’t thank me yet, with the Doctor offline you get to patch me up.” The Commander positioned himself on the biobed, offering up the backs of his hands. 

“Good to know my face did this much damage,” joked Tom as he grabbed a dermal regenerator and set to work on Chakotay’s knuckles.

The Commander chuckled in response, grateful for Tom's ability to relax the strain between them. He took a moment before he started in carefully. “No matter how misguided your actions were in the mess hall, I do appreciate that you were willing to defend her like that. I wouldn’t stand for it either if I thought someone had abused our Captain’s... trust.”

Chakotay halted to take in Tom’s reaction, deliberating whether to tell him more. Tom seemed as regretful about what had transpired between them, so Chakotay continued on. “I also knew even before the... uhm… unfortunate cargo bay incident, you weren’t going to say anything to hurt the Captain. Mike was testing you the day we got back, to see if you’d start talking about … about how you found us on the away mission.”

“You didn’t think I’d be stupid enough to say anything to betray Chakotay, did you?” Mike’s lips curled into a self satisfied smile, then his brow furrowed in confusion. “Hey, what happened in the cargo bay?”

“Nothing,” Tom and Chakotay simultaneously retorted. Both men rapidly averted their eyes from each other, mortified at the thought of that experience.

Tom considered everything he now knew and for once tried to piece together an appropriate thought before blurting out whatever just happened upon his lips. “I’m sorry I assumed it was you who had hurt her. I couldn’t imagine someone as strong as her breaking like that for any other reason.”

Chakotay was curious and extremely troubled by the statement. When did Tom see her break down? How bad must it have gotten if she had let one of her crew see her pain? As exasperated as he was with Kathryn right now, he would never want her to suffer.

Tom continued on as he weighed everything in his mind. “And then I saw you with.. with B’Elanna and I couldn’t take it.” His hesitation on her name revealed more than he intended. 

Chakotay grinned at the younger man’s slip up. “So you’ve got a thing for B’Elanna?” He couldn’t help but tease with a dimpled smile.

Tom looked down blushing. “No... Yes... I don’t know! Maybe... She makes me so angry and so excited all at the same time.”

Chakotay let out a low laugh. “That’s B’Elanna alright.” His laughter quickly faded as he thought about what his Maquis friend must be feeling right now. “I’m sure she’s none too pleased with either of us at the moment.”

“You’ll both be lucky to avoid the pointy end of her Bat'leth once this gossip makes its way through the ship,” interjected Mike.

They looked at the security officer in confusion. “What gossip? That we had a fistfight in the mess hall?” asked Tom.

Now it was Mike’s turn to laugh loudly. “It’s not the fight, but what caused it! You were too busy tearing into each other to realize what it looked like to everyone else in that room. With B’Elanna trying to break it up and then being the one to talk to the Captain afterwards. Obviously they thought you were fighting over B’Elanna!”

The color simultaneously drained from Tom and Chakotay, both men’s complexions retreating to a deathly pallor at the thought of the half-Klingon's wrath. When B'Elanna found out they had dragged her into the middle of this there would be hell to pay. Mike’s laughter continued to echo throughout sickbay thinking about the fury she would rain down upon these two men.

* * *

Captain Janeway moved uncomfortably in her chair, once again shifting side to side, before finally admitting defeat. In her typical bridge posture, she crossed her right leg over her left one; what was not typical was shifting all her weight to her left side and leaning on the center console. He had known exactly what he was doing. She berated herself for the millionth time that she had thrown herself into his arms like a Vulcan in Pon Farr. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried not to think about this whole debacle, tried to return her focus to the Class 17 nebula on the viewscreen and Voyager’s ongoing sirillium gathering operations. 

On the bright side, Commander Chakotay had reported back to Alpha shift this morning. On the down side, her ass was killing her and he knew it. Chakotay was sitting beside her looking quite pleased with himself; a smug smile graced his lips and a hint of dimples recessed into his cheeks every time he snuck a furtive side glance at her readjustments.

“Mr. Kim, status of the sirrillium intake?” She beckoned, trying to concentrate back on the mission at hand instead of the raw feeling on her backside.

“The Bussard collectors are at 30% capacity. At our rate of extraction we should have the storage tanks filled within ten hours,” replied her operations officer.

At least they had the good fortune to find a nebula rich in sirillium. Energy demands would be a mute point on Voyager for quite some time, _if_ they could properly modify the ship to use this new energy rich power source. The substance was considerably more efficient than deuterium or dilithium, unfortunately it was also much more volatile and they needed to add extra safe guards to the ship. She mentally scrolled through all the potential new uses for their find, still every time she put weight on her right side the sting brought her thoughts right back to him.

She knew he had sparks of tactical genius, but this was something else entirely, how the man could have figured out such a devious maneuver all while in the throes of passion was unbelievable. She tried to pull herself back to center and again her body recoiled in pain. In the midst of their aggressive union she had never stopped to wonder why he was only slapping the right side of her ass. And now that they were sitting side by side on the bridge, she knew it was his plan the entire time, making Kathryn favor her left side so severely that she would be forced to spend the entire shift leaning into him. 

A few passes with a dermal regenerator, and she would be good as new, but she couldn’t bear to let the Doctor or Kes heal her. She practically shuddered thinking of how humiliating it would be to explain how she got those marks. Damn him, she thought, sending a side eyed glare over the console. He noticed her reaction and pulled his mouth to one side. His eyes twinkled mischievously as his face beamed with the most self-satisfied smirk, still she could see there was something sadder behind this arrogance. No matter how hard he tried to portray a teasing demeanor, his hurt and anger would slip out in the narrowing of an eye or the tensing in his jaw.

“Captain, is there something bothering you today?” he asked with feigned innocence. He was trying not to gloat, but it was preferable to enjoy his small victory rather than dwell in the sadness and pain of the greater loss. At least now she was forced to think about him, think about them, and what they had done together. She had a very tangible reminder that he was much more than her First Officer and he would be damned if he would let her pretend none of this had happened.

Kathryn Janeway was never one to accept any form of defeat. She was not about to let him have the upper hand all day. She rolled her shoulders, then brought up her right hand to massage her left deltoid as she let out an exaggerated groan. “I guess I must have slept on something wrong, because my shoulder is killing me today.”

His smirk faded and his eyes sunk into a look of remorse, before flickering to some other emotion entirely. Resentment maybe? Possibly defeat? She could tell she had wounded him and that he thought she wasn’t playing fair. Damn. She had overshot the mark. She had only wanted to wipe that pompous look off his face, not send him spiraling back into a dark place. This was impossible. She needed to get out of here before one of them crossed the line in front of the bridge crew.

She stood up abruptly and turned to look down on his deeply pensive form. “Commander, I am going to engineering to see how the power supply modifications are progressing. You have the bridge.”

He nodded in acknowledgement as she walked up to the turbo lift. When she entered the lift she heard him call out, the cheekiness back in his tone.

“Captain, don’t forget to tell B’Elanna that Tom and I say hello.” 

Mr. Kim choked and the rest of the bridge staff muffled guffaws and gasps as the turbo lift doors slid shut in front of her. The last thing she saw was his impish grin, trying to appear mirthful, but she could clearly see that it was all an act. The way his eyes sagged without their usual luster exposed the heartache that still consumed him. And she hated to admit that the same pain was reflected woefully from her own eyes.

* * *

She entered engineering to find B’Elanna and her team hard at work, activity was brimming from top to bottom in the heart of the ship. Panels were pulled out and crewmen were calibrating and adjusting everything from the ODN conduits to the warp core itself. Making the adjustment to use sirillium as a fuel source was going to take a major overhaul of their entire power supply system.

The Chief Engineer was reviewing a PADD with Vorik and Carey when she noticed the Captain’s presence. B’Elanna gave her a very unimpressed look and appeared to snort in indignation as she sent her staff off with their assignments. Janeway didn’t care how pissed the half-Klingon was, she was still the Captain and this was still her ship, she reminded herself of those facts as she approached the other woman.

“Good morning Lt Torres, I came by to see how the modifications were going. See if there was anything I could do to assist.” Her voice came out calm and professional, but her eyes were watching carefully for the engineer’s response.

“The conversion is on schedule and we should be prepared to integrate the denser sirillium fuel within two days. And the new configuration will still allow us to fall back to traditional fuel when needed.” Lt Torres’ answer came sharp and terse through pursed lips, obviously biting back what she really wanted to say.

Janeway pondered how to proceed, then looked the engineer in the eye. “Would you like to go to your office and talk?” she offered.

“What about? Whether I’ve chosen Tom or Chakotay?” she replied sarcastically. “Seems to be the only topic anyone wants to talk about today.”

The Captain tilted her head and gave her a sympathetic look. “If there is anything you would _actually_ like to talk about…”

B’Elanna pressed her lips even tighter together, wondering if it was a good idea to let the Captain know what she was thinking. Hell good ideas were not really her thing. “Fine,” she barked, leading the Captain up to the second floor of Engineering and into her private alcove. She tossed the PADD on her desk and turned around, expression severe, eyes squinting at Captain Janeway.

“If there is something you want to tell me, I want you to feel free to get it off your chest,” the Captain led, trying to soften her face enough to let B’Elanna know this could be a personal discussion.

“I don’t think it’s wise to tell my Captain what I’m really thinking right now,” she deflected, her eyes were downcast to temper her anger as she picked up a KLS stabilizer from her desk, needing something to occupy her tensing hands.

Captain Janeway let out a slow breath, “Why don’t you talk to me like I’m not your Captain, like I’m…” She searched for the right ending to this sentence. A friend? A person? The woman who broke your best friend’s heart? “Like I’m not your commanding officer,” she settled on.

B’Elanna’s hands gripped tighter around the metal tool. “If you weren’t the Captain right now, it wouldn’t be a conversation we would be having.” 

Janeway smiled, knowing the engineer preferred to work out personal issues with her fists. “Why don’t you try to talk to me? I promise to listen to anything you want to say. No repercussions.”

Lt Torres looked up cautiously, “No repercussions?” She fiddled nervously with the tool in her hands, worried this might be a trap, but Janeway had proven she could be trusted. Never was there any cause to doubt the Captain’s word, until now…

“Alright. Let’s say I’m mad,” she started slowly. “Okay, I’m more than mad ﹘ I’m furious with you.” She began to pick up speed and volume with every word. “My best friend is depressed and drowning because of you. He’s possibly the kindest most caring person I have ever met and you tossed him aside like Neelix’s leftovers. How could you do this to him after everything that man has done for you?” She was practically shouting at the end as she found the Captain’s eye, using her own formidable glare to convey the gravity of her accusations.

Janeway held her composure, only a slight quiver in her lips as she responded in a steady, professional tone. “You may not believe this, but I know more than anyone how wonderful of a person the Commander is… that Chakotay is… It’s killing me to see him like this too… Still I have to put this ship before my personal feelings, before his personal feelings, these are the unfortunate choices I have to make.”

The younger woman laughed critically. “For the ship, huh? You wouldn’t even have this ship without him!”

Captain Janeway’s eyes narrowed, trying not to get defensive, she had promised to listen after all.

B’Elanna continued. “He sacrificed his ship so yours would survive. He could have flown off and left you to the Kazon, only he’s much too honorable to ever do anything like that.” She started pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly with her arms to emphasize her points. 

“And that first year? Ghuy'cha! The amount of fights he broke up and doubts he put aside? He trusted you implicitly from day one. The rest of us were scared and waiting for you to turn on the Maquis. After every one of his shifts, he spent countless hours listening to all our fears and concerns, working out disputes and problems for both crews. He put his own credibility on the line all so we would give you a chance. Eventually, over time, you earned our respect, but without Chakotay you never would have even had that opportunity. The people on this ship would have torn each other apart without his intervention. Instead we are a family because of him. And because of you too. You did this together. You two made Voyager our home.” She ceased her nervous steps and looked back at the Captain, searching for her reaction.

Guilt was too small of a word for what Captain Janeway felt right now and she knew the blush on her cheeks and tightening in her throat confirmed those feelings. He truly had helped her build this ship, this crew, all from the ground up. They were so incredibly good together. Her chest constricted as she thought of how poorly she had treated him.

“I guess I always knew how much he did for me and did for everyone. I just never acknowledged it out loud before…”

The engineer saw that her words were getting through, and it encouraged her to keep going with even more conviction. “And he’s still doing everything for you. Even now. Even after what you put him through, he will always put you first. Do you know what he did, after the fight?”

Janeway’s eyes flickered with equal parts curiosity and anxiety, she had left his quarters on such hostile terms yesterday.

“He came to me, begging me not to tell anyone about the both of you. He said I could blame anything I wanted on him, just not to let any of it fall on your shoulders. He couldn’t bear for the crew to think ill of you. And even though that man is beyond broken and desperate to talk to someone, he refused to tell me _anything_ about what had happened between you two. He said it would hurt you too much for any of the crew to know the details of your personal life. That PetaQ would rather suffer a thousand deaths than let you feel a single blow!”

Captain Janeway was completely flush now, having never felt more publicly castigated in her life. She had felt less censured by her father after sneaking out of the house as a teenager than what she felt now standing on trial before her hot-blooded Chief Engineer. She swallowed and rubbed her lips together, trying to figure out where to go from here.

“Thank you, B’Elanna,” she rasped, voice small and apologetic. “Thank you for telling me these things. I’m sorry you got put in the middle of all this.”

“Well I’m not the one you should be asking for forgiveness,” stated the engineer in a softer tone, her words leading and with more than a hint of encouragement.

Before the Captain could reply, an Ensign appeared at the entrance to the engineer’s office. “Ma’am, we are ready to begin the power phase realignment whenever you are available. And Captain, the Commander has arrived and is looking for you.” 

“On my way now,” replied B’Elanna, rubbing the back of her own neck, as she walked out to resume her work. The Captain merely nodded at the news, also making her way back to the main engineering room. She stopped on the raised platform of the upper deck and glanced down to see the Commander standing near the entrance. 

He was tapping a PADD against his hand, his eyes wandered around the room looking for her, obviously not wanting to be caught off guard. Finally, he noticed her on the platform and his eyes turned upward to meet hers. Her heart fluttered as he gave her a deep, smoldering gaze, his dark brown eyes conveying an intensity that penetrated all her defenses. All the powerful feelings that she had been trying to suppress stirred so violently that she thought they might burst forth from her chest. Then he quickly turned away, finding it too painful to look at her any longer, and her heart plummeted in disappointment. She didn’t know what she was going to say to him, she only knew she had to try and fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me on this! Your kudos and comments have been the best and I appreciate everyone of you taking the time to read and leave feedback, even if I'm not sharp enough to track and respond to all of the comments quickly... (Hangs head in shame) I'm getting both excited and sad that there are only two chapters left! Maybe three if I go long on a chapter again...


	12. Chain Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Janeway attempts to reach out to Commander Chakotay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Elephant in the Pride Parade for all the beta!

Chakotay stood near the entrance of main engineering, and a friendly smile appeared on his lips as Kathryn approached, at least he hoped it wasn’t more or less than a friendly smile. When had acting naturally become so difficult? As she walked over, he could swear that her military stride had more swing in her hips than usual. Yet whatever her body might have implied, her face remained inscrutable as she came to a stop before him. 

“I have a request from Neelix to add a sirillium injected stove in the mess hall and he’s already commed a half dozen times asking if you have signed off on it yet. I hope you don’t mind me interrupting, I couldn’t take his pestering any longer,” stated the Commander. And of course this gave him an excuse to see her, he thought to himself. 

She took the PADD from him and after a cursory review, pressed her thumb in to approve the request. As she returned the PADD to him, her hand brushed his and the touch sent a shiver up her spine. The corners of her lips turned up slightly, in the hint of a smile, and she gave him an unguarded look, allowing her eyes to shine with affection. He blinked in surprise, then he hesitated, unsure how to respond to this unexpected development. As he so often did, he waited patiently, letting her take the lead.

She looked around to make sure no one was in earshot, before returning to meet his eyes. “Chakotay, I owe you an apology…” she started, trying to force herself to keep their eyes locked, though the growing passion in his stare was deeply unnerving. 

“Oh?” he asked innocently. 

“I may have been too hasty in saying we were bad for the ship…” Her fortitude failed her and she sent her eyes fleeing to the floor as she smoothed a loose strand of her hair back in place.

“So what are you saying?” asked Chakotay cautiously, afraid to get his hopes up. 

She summoned all her courage to continue. “I think the ship runs better when we are working together. When you and I are working.”

“Is this only about work?” he dared to ask, struggling to understand what she was telling him.

“No Chakotay, this is about _us_ working again… you and I… more than the Captain and the Commander.” She pressed her lips together and stole a glance back up to gauge his response. His smile extended across his face and his dimples peaked through, as he reached out to place a hand under her chin, wanting to raise her face to meet his own. But before he could make contact, she abruptly took a step back.

“No, not here,” she hissed, searching around to ensure no one noticed his actions. The entire engineering team was too concentrated on the power phase realignment to give a second thought to their commanding officers, the team continued to adjust the oscillations to a higher frequency and the warp core began to emit a high pitched whine.

Chakotay’s face fell immediately. “So you only want me back in secret?” he asked, disappointment permeating his words. 

“It’s not like that, I want you, all of you,” she implored him. “ I’m just not ready for the crew to know yet...” 

The sounds from the warp core grew louder, forcing Chakotay to raise his volume. “Kathryn, I have some pride left. And I can’t survive you rejecting me again. If you want this, if you want me, it has to be out in the open this time.” He stood with his jaw set, determination reflected in his eyes. He reached out and offered his hand to her.

She looked down at his strong fingers, such extremes textured into the history of his palms, from the death and pain he had wrought protecting his people from the Cardassians to the pleasure and devotion he had gifted her body. Despite all her feelings for this man, she was still too afraid to reach out and take what he was giving. Exposing their relationship to the crew meant all of this was real. There would be no going back, no chance to change her mind once she did this, the commitment was permanent. 

She closed her eyes and shook her head from side to side. The sounds of the engine recalibrations were pulsing and droning even louder now. “I’m not ready, Chakotay. I can’t do this yet. Please, can’t you come back to me as we were?” she begged over the increasing background noise.

“No, I can’t. I can’t do it. It’s all or nothing Kathryn,” he demanded, holding his hand out adamantly, urging her to accept. The engines were so loud now she barely caught his words, but it didn’t matter, his intent was crystal clear.

Kathryn scrunched up her mouth in frustration and pointed a hand at his chest. “Dammit, why are you being so stubborn?” She blustered over the cacophony of the engineering work.  
Chakotay reared back with a haughty laugh. “Me being stubborn? That’s rich coming from you! Take my damn hand, show me you’re in this!” Even though they were only a step apart, he practically had to shout to make himself heard over the rising volume of the warp core. 

“Arrrgh,” she exclaimed in frustration, refusing to yield to his demands. “Sometimes you are insufferable!” she yelled past the background din.

He responded loudly, trying to overcome the now deafening noise. Unfortunately halfway through his statement, the roar from the engines terminated abruptly and the room fell deathly quiet. “You’re just pissed because YOU CAN’T ORDER ME BACK INTO YOUR BED!” His words cut through the silence and resonated conspicuously throughout the room.

Every person, on both decks, froze instantly. The engineering staff halted their work and turned to stare at their commanding officers in utter shock. A dozen pairs of eyes fixated on them, waiting to see what would happen next. Crimson flushed the Captain’s cheeks and Chakotay’s face dropped in instant regret, realizing the damage he had done, fulfilling her worst fears by garishly laying out her private life in front of the crew. B’Elanna was watching from the other side of the room and she put a palm over her face, shaking her head in disbelief.

Uncomfortable tension hung endlessly in the room until an alarm sounded, the klaxon jolting the crew back into motion. B’Elanna’s head whipped around to the console. “Everybody out, a plasma conduit is about to blow!” she yelled as she desperately worked to cut off power to that junction. Captain Janeway felt the vibrations building on the wall next to her. Before she had time to react, she heard the explosion and watched in horror as the bulkhead burst in front of her, flinging Chakotay across the room. 

She felt the searing heat and pressure from the blast as she quickly chased after him to him. Along the way she rapidly assessed the room and seeing no other members of her crew down, repeated her engineer’s order for the rest of the crew to evacuate. Kathryn was awash in fear at the site of Chakotay unmoving, pinned beneath a large chunk of metal. But the Captain was trained to react swiftly, she called for an emergency transport while grabbing a medical kit from the wall.

She knelt beside the Commander’s unconscious form as Mr. Kim’s voice came over the com channel with the dire news. “Transporters are currently offline. Power was lost in the explosion.” 

She beat back a surge of fear as she observed the burn marks on his face and the way his mouth hung limply open, a splatter of blood along his lips. “Reroute to auxiliary power and get them back online. Send a medical team to engineering,” she barked as she pulled out the medical tricorder and began scanning Chakotay. She forced herself to concentrate solely on saving him, though terror hung heavy in her heart. He had a weak pulse and was breathing, though it was a shallow, labored breath. He had a concussion and there seemed to be broken ribs and extensive tissue damage. And internal bleeding, too much internal bleeding. At least she didn’t detect any shrapnel wounds that would bleed out if the bulkhead was removed. 

She had to get it off of him. The Captain grabbed the edge of the metal panel and using all the strength in her legs, tried to lift it off his body. It barely budged. She cursed the reinforced panels in engineering. They were designed to be twice as thick as normal panels precisely to contain power overloads like this one. She looked around the room for help, but couldn’t see anyone else. When had they switched to the dim glow of emergency lighting? Was the gas venting into the room part of the fire suppression system or a chemical leak? 

She pulled a hypospray from the kit and pressed it against his neck, hopefully it would prevent him from going into shock or cardiac arrest. Even though he was knocked out cold she still tried to soothe him, grabbing his limp hand for reassurance. “I’m right here Chakotay, it’s going to be okay.” 

She banged her combadge again. “Where’s that medical team?” she demanded.

“Right here, Captain,” the reply not coming from over the communication channel, but instead from right behind her. Her spirits lifted as Tom Paris and Kes charged up to them.

“Sweep the room. I don’t know if there is anyone else injured.” she commanded, the Captain taking responsibility for her whole crew even though Kathryn was only concerned with the safety of one man.

“We met B’Elanna at the door, she’s still working to get things stabilized, and everyone else is accounted for and assisting her. Just you and the Commander we have to worry about.” Tom’s boyish smile and friendly demeanor had a magical way of making any situation seem less dire.

She repeated the findings from her scan to Tom and let him know the compound she had administered to the Commander before announcing with a hint of despair, “I can’t get the bulkhead off him. It’s too heavy.”

“There are three of us now, we got this.” Kes, Tom, and the Captain each grabbed an edge of the frayed metal panel. “On three. One. Two. Threeeeee!” Mr. Paris called. They grunted and groaned, but were able to tip the panel up off the Commander, before releasing it to come crashing down on the floor beside him.

With the obstruction removed, Tom took another scan and frowned. “We need to get him to sickbay right away. He has a severe pulmonary contusion, his lungs are filling with fluid, if I don’t get it treated soon he’s going to drown in his own blood.” A cold dread washed over her entire body.

Tom hooked an arm under Chakotay’s as the Captain did the same on her own side. They had just started to drag him towards the exit when Harry’s voice sounded. “Transporters are back online.”

She looked at Tom to ensure he had the Commander as she motioned for Kes to take up her position supporting his other side. As she relinquished Chakotay's arm to Kes, she was taken aback in horror by the sickening spurt of red escaping from his mouth. “Immediate transport for three,” she called as she backed off, allowing the medics to take control of his rescue. Tom saw the tears splash down the Captain’s face as she watched Chakotay’s slack frame disappear.

With the back of her hand she wiped away the salty sting and searched for B’Elanna. She found the Lieutenant working at the exterior engineering station. “Report.”

“We inadvertently initiated a harmonic feedback loop when we attempted to run the engines at the higher frequency. I should have predicted this was going to happen and compensated beforehand by adding a stabilizing compound to the warp core mixture.” The engineer clenched the sides of the console tightly, berating herself for this mistake.

“I’m sorry I messed up the warp core phase realignment and I’m sorry I didn’t stay to help you with Chakotay. I needed to get the plasma relays isolated and make sure my oversight didn’t become a cascading reaction.” Trying to contain her anger at herself, she took a deep breath before continuing. “I was able to successfully contain the problem, all the damage is currently localized to engineering and there is no further risk at this time.”

“I am organizing teams to start repairs,” B’Elanna kept talking, her concentration still fixed on the console before her, upset that she had allowed such a potentially deadly event to occur. Without looking up she asked with a mixture of guilt and concern. “How's Chakotay?” 

The Captain swallowed before she spoke. “Not great, but he’s safely in sickbay and the Doctor is treating him as we speak.” Her words were tenured with anxiety as she forced herself back to the matter at hand.

“We all make mistakes B’Elanna, no one else on the engineering team thought of this complication and neither did I. You did good work containing the explosion; this could have been much, much worse,” offered the Captain, making it clear she still had unwavering faith in her Chief Engineer.

“Once repairs are complete, I’ll expect a detailed report of what this means for the sirillium integration plans,” she ordered crisply, trying to focus on the ship. Trying to be the Captain. Trying to think about anything except Chakotay’s blood pooling up inside his lungs. Trying not to picture him struggling for a breath that wouldn’t come.

B’Elanna finally looked up from her work and found that even though the Captain’s words were level and countenance composed, a fear glimmered in her eyes. “I’ve got this under control, go check on Chakotay, make sure he’s okay.”

Captain Janeway returned a weak smile, “Is that an order?”

“Think of it as a friendly piece of advice,” the half-Klingon smiled back, shaking her head, still angry at herself. “Someone needs to be there for him, and better you than me right now, so go.”

She placed a grateful hand on B’Elanna’s shoulder before quickly turning and heading down the corridor, picking up speed with every step. By the time she exited the turbolift on deck 9, she found herself sprinting to sickbay with no regard for what her crew thought as she pushed past them with hasty apologies.

* * *

The first thing he noticed was his throbbing headache, the next thing he noticed was the soft, warm hand grasping his own. Chakotay pulled himself upright and saw Kathryn sitting in a chair beside him, asleep with her head resting on the biobed, nestled against his side and her small fingers clutching his own hand. He was astounded to find her holding him and in a public place no less. He reached across his lap to run his free hand across her temple. “Oh, Kathryn,” he sighed, the words escaping without warning.

He glanced up and saw the Doctor emerge from his office with Tom Paris at his side. “Commander!” exclaimed Tom as he approached. “Glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve got a hell of a headache and I’m a little sore, but not too bad,” he managed through his muddled thoughts. The Doctor began to scan him, assessing the status of his recuperation. Chakotay nervously looked down at the woman sleeping against his bed. “How long has the Captain been here?”

Tom and the Doctor exchanged a quick look, before the Doctor began to speak. “Since shortly after you arrived yesterday. She hasn’t left since. Tuvok and B’Elanna have been bringing her reports here and she’s been overseeing all the repairs and ongoing collection operations from your bedside.”

He wasn’t sure if he was more astonished that she had openly held vigil over his recovery or that she had rearranged the management of the ship in order to do so. The strange turn of events did nothing to ease the confusion running through his head, though his heart, his heart was definitely seeing things clearly. 

He felt a tug on his hand and a small groan emanated from beneath her groggy form. “Mr. Paris, can you bring the Captain some coffee?”

The medic grinned, “Of course, I would hate for there to be any additional injuries if she wakes up without it.”

“Glad you have your priorities straight,” deadpanned the Captain as she shook off the remnants of slumber and sat upright in her chair. She brought her free hand up to rub along the back of her neck, obviously in pain from sitting in such an uncomfortable position for so long. She released Chakotay's hand as she stood up to stretch and he frowned, his body disheartened by the loss of her touch. 

Tom returned to place a steaming mug in the Captain’s hand, then gave her a little wink before making himself scarce. She breathed in the comforting scent and drank the dark bitter liquid. Chakotay turned to face her, hanging his legs over the side of the biobed. His head ached from the movement and he was barely able to suppress a groan. Even in his disoriented state he watched Katrhyn carefully. He wondered how he had never noticed that the face she made when she drank coffee was suspiciously similar to the one she made when she stripped off his pants. 

After a few sips, she amassed enough strength to talk to the man before her. “The Doctor expects you should be recovered enough for him to release you from sickbay this afternoon.” Her cobalt blue eyes gradually tracing up his body to meet his own mahogany ones. 

“So you stayed with me in sickbay the entire time?” Chakotay teased as he tugged at his ear.

Katrhyn’s smile drew to one side and she replied cheekily. “Well how else was I going to sneak a dermal regenerator to heal my ass?”

He laughed, glad to have the playful flirtatious Kathryn back. He swore she even batted her eyelashes at him as she moved closer. Stopping against his knees, she took his hand with both of hers, and clutched it close against her chest. He could feel her heart beating rapidly. “I’m all in Chakotay. You and me. I’ll take your hand whenever you want.”

He didn’t have the words to describe the rush that surged through his body, happiness couldn’t begin to explain how he felt in this moment. “Kathryn…” he started before she lightly touched her fingers to his lips, stopping him before he could go on.

“I came to the realization that my feelings for you won’t change whether we are together or not. And I’m going to make mistakes as the Captain whether we are together or not. And I would rather have you be my side, have your counsel, have your support, have your humor, have your touch, and have your lo...” she struggled to get out the last word, her mouth trying to make that single word audible, but fear made her tongue leaden and it would not come no matter how hard she tried. She settled for an apologetic smile, hoping he understood that some things still might not be easy for her. 

He wanted to show her he didn’t need her declaration to know her true feelings. He reached out his hand to hold her face, but a pain shot through his side and he winced before he could find her. She frowned at the sight of his discomfort.

“You need to rest, there will be plenty of time to talk later.” She gently pressed against his chest, guiding him to lie back on the bed. She gazed down at him, a promise written on her face. He fought every urge in his broken body to pull her on top of him and kiss her senselessly in the middle of sickbay. She saw his desire and a wicked smile flitted across her lips, “Save that thought for later. I need you in decent shape by 1900 tonight.”

He lifted a curious brow, “What’s happening tonight?”

Her smile spread wider across her face. “Tom is hosting some big party on the holodeck. And I need a date.” 

Before the shock of her words could settle in, she patted his chest and headed for the exit. He raised his head to watch her leave and as she reached the doors she called back mischievously, “Get your rest Commander, that’s an order!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, it's been a struggle bus of a week. I hope you are enjoying my contribution to the JC fanfic anthology, I'm getting a little sad as this is coming to a close. I should have the final chapter up in the next 4-5 days.


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